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For 35 years I was a writer. I wrote a lot of jokes. Some of them weren’t funny. Some of them weren’t appropriate. Some of them were downright offensive. I understand that.

Al Franken

Looking at a tableau of Ford, Carter and Nixon, Dole said, ‘There they are: Hear No Evil, See No Evil and Evil.’
AL FRANKEN

Hear Look No President
I hope you realize, in a democracy, laughter is assent.
AL FRANKEN

Assent Democracy Hope Laughter Realize
We know that the Russian’s interfered in our election and they did it to benefit President Trump. The intelligence agencies confirmed that.
AL FRANKEN

Agency Benefit Confirm Country Election Intelligence Interfere Know Our President
The guy who ran it at first misled pretty much everybody about how much capital we had.
AL FRANKEN

Capital Everybody First Guy Had Misled Much Ran
They’ve had local rightwing guys who’ve become national rightwing guys, and who build slowly, and that’s how it goes. We haven’t had that. It isn’t like we have a farm team.
AL FRANKEN

Build Farm Guy Like Local National Rightwing Slowly Team
We need an investigation, because we don’t know what Donald Trump owes Russia.
AL FRANKEN

Country Investigate Need Owe President
To ask whether the mainstream media has a conservative or liberal bias is like asking whether al-Qaida uses too much oil in their hummus. It’s – I think they might use too much oil in their hummus – but it’s the wrong question.
AL FRANKEN

Ask Bias Conservative Liberal Like Mainstream Much Oil Think Use
Good schools for me to prepare myself for a career, and, if I worked hard and played by the rules, a chance for me to do anything I wanted.
AL FRANKEN

Anything Chance Creer Good Hard Play Prepare Rule School Want Work
The Founders who crafted our Constitution and Bill of Rights were careful to draft a Constitution of limited powers.
AL FRANKEN

Bill Careful Constitution Craft Draft Founder Liberty Limited Power Right War
But God told me that He/She/It had actually chosen Al Gore by making sure that Gore won the popular vote and, God thought, the Electoral College. ‘That worked for everyone else,’ God said.
AL FRANKEN

Actual Chosen Electoral Everyone God Good Gore Make Popular Sure Thought Vote Work
And if those two other doctors get paid by Big Snack Food, like certain climate deniers get paid by Big Coal, I shouldn’t take their advice.
AL FRANKEN

Advice Big Certain Climate Coal Denier Doctor Food Other Paid Snack
I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and dog-gone it, people like me.
AL FRANKEN

Dog Enough Gone Like People Small Smart
At ‘SNL,’ I wrote political stuff, but I never felt the show should have an axe to grind. But when I left in ’95, I could let my own beliefs out.
AL FRANKEN

Axe Belief Felt Grind Left Out Own Political Snow Stuff Wrote
Most Americans don’t think about antitrust law when they look at their cable bill, flip channels on TV, or worry about what their favorite website knows about them. But they should.
AL FRANKEN

Antitrust Bill Cable Channel Country Favorite Law Look Most Think Website Worry
He [Newt Gingrich] is the most unpopular politician in America. His favorable rating is only four points higher than the Unabomber.
AL FRANKEN

Country Favorable Four Higher Most Point Politician Unpopular
I wish I had spent more time at the office and less time in prison.
AL FRANKEN

Less More Office Prison Spent Time Wish

For 35 years I was a writer. I wrote a lot of jokes. Some of them weren’t funny. Some of them weren’t appropriate. Some of them were downright offensive. I understand that.

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For 35 years I was a writer. I wrote a lot of jokes. Some of them weren’t funny. Some of them weren’t appropriate. Some of them were downright offensive. I understand that.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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