But God told me that He/She/It had actually chosen Al Gore by making sure that Gore won the popular vote and, God thought, the Electoral College. ‘That worked for everyone else,’ God said.
AL FRANKENMy dad never graduated high school. He was a printing salesman.
More Al Franken Quotes
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When the Constitution was written, the founders had no way of anticipating the new technologies that would evolve in the coming centuries.
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Mistakes are a part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lessons that can only be learned the hard way.
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Asking the question whether the mainstream media has a liberal or conservative bias is like asking whether al Qaeda uses too much oil in their hummus.
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Whining is anger through a small opening.
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The Freedom of Information Act doesn’t apply to Silicon Valley. And you can’t impeach Google if it breaks its ‘Don’t be evil’ campaign pledge.
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I’ve spent my entire career being a satirist.
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I think Hell exists on Earth. It’s a psychological state, or it can be a physical state.
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There is – I mean – I found early in life that righteous indignation is a little off-putting, and so I try to couch it with humor.
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Demagoguery sells. And therefore, radio stations will put it on. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t do something else and also make it sell.
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By best, I mean when I have a real sense of doing the right thing and doing good for people and the connected universe of everybody.
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No one is more sensitive to the issue of overeating than the creator of Stuart Smalley.
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I think Clinton fatigue was a real thing. It’s just hard to get comfortable with Gore.
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I believe in not attacking a country pre-emptively unless you’re sure of what you’re doing and you’re working with allies.
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Bob Dole used to be really funny. Barney Frank can be kind of funny. Bob Kerrey has a good sense of humor.
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You know, Lincoln was funny. I don’t think F.D.R. was very funny. But Lincoln was funny. Lincoln was really funny. But I think you should get elected first, and then show that you’re funny.
AL FRANKEN