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I felt like the luckiest kid in the world. And I was. I was growing up middle-class in a time when growing up middle-class in America meant there would be jobs for my parents.

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Net neutrality isn’t a government takeover of the Internet, as many of my Republican colleagues have alleged.
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Colleague Government Interest Many Republican
I’m part of the mushball middle. I consider ‘confused’ the majority position because, thankfully.
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Confuse Consider Majority Middle Mushball People Position Thankful
Progressives, in a way, are the new conservatives. We want to conserve what we fought to build.
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Build Conservative Conserve Fought Progressive Want Way
Let’s not let the government sell us out. Let’s fight for net neutrality.
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Today I will masterbate! Okay, that was a mistake. I should have written “Today I will masterbate–if I want to!
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Masturbate Mistake Okay Today Want Written
During Vietnam, I was in college, enjoying my student deferment. The government wisely felt that, in my case, military service was less important than completing my studies to prepare me for my chosen career: comedian.
AL FRANKEN

Career College Country Deferment Enjoy Military Student
Liberals don’t hate America. We love America more than Ann Coulter does. I love it enough to engage my readers honestly.
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Country Country Love Doe Engage Enough Hate Honestly Liberal Reader
Asking the question whether the mainstream media has a liberal or conservative bias is like asking whether al Qaeda uses too much oil in their hummus.
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Asking Conservative Human Liberal Like Mainstream Media Much Oil Question Thinking Whether
I wish I had spent more time at the office and less time in prison.
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Medicare was established to secure that promise.
AL FRANKEN

Establish Medicare Promise Secure
Liberals like me love America. We just love America in a different way.
AL FRANKEN

Country Different Liberal Love Way
The way I see it, I’m not going to Washington to be the 60th Democratic senator. I’m going to Washington to be the second senator from the state of Minnesota.
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Minnesotans know the difference between the job of satirist and the job of senator. And so do I.
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My dad never graduated high school. He was a printing salesman.
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Dad Graduate High Salesman School Two
Anyone with an Internet connection and a few dollars can obtain personal information they should never have access to, including a user’s date of birth, e-mail address, or estimated income.
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I get satisfaction when I write something I like, when I’m happy with it.
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