There is always a ..belief that by destroying the thing that we love we destroy our needs
ADAM PHILLIPSTo our grudge against our mothers; the way we never let our mothers off the hook for their not meeting our every need.
More Adam Phillips Quotes
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Excesses of appetite are self-cures for feelings of hopelessness. ..
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We are at our most stupid in our self-hatred.
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Sanity, in other words, becomes a pressing preoccupation as soon as we recognize the importance of recognition.
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People change, but there really are limits.
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To grow up is to discover what one is unequal to.
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Everybody is dealing with how much of their own aliveness they can bear and how much they need to anesthetize themselves.
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It is as if to say: if these are not valued – if these forms of wanting and feeling and speaking and doing – are not cultivated and encouraged and rewarded in the child, then the child will be mad.
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Monogamy is a way of getting the versions of ourselves down to the minimum.
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Lovers, of course, are notoriously frantic epistemologists, second only to paranoiacs (and analysts) as readers of signs and wonders.
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We are children for a very long time.
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we are continually under threat from what we are unwilling and/or unable to see.
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One thing you discover in psychoanalytic treatment is the limits of what you can change about yourself or your life.
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The past influences everything and dictates nothing.
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We have been taught to wish for it, but the wish to be understood may be our most vengeful demand, may be the way we hang on, as adults ,
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To our grudge against our mothers; the way we never let our mothers off the hook for their not meeting our every need.
ADAM PHILLIPS