You can do that: you send away to the Philippines, and they send you a wife. The only thing is, once you’re on their mailing list, they keep sending you a relative a month whether you want it or not.
ADAM FERRARAGo to bed.’ ‘Don’t you feel like we’re soul…’
More Adam Ferrara Quotes
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I look to nature because I think the animals are smarter than we are. Animals mate; humans date.
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I woke up my pop in the middle of the night ’cause the boogie man’s under my bed.
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What if God’s a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I’ll never know why!
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If you look at a group of people that had faith, it’s got to be the Jews. They followed Moses through the desert for 40 years with no map. There had to be one guy in the back, like, ‘I don’t think he knows where he’s going.’
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I don’t think it’s fair – you get married, you give your wife a wedding ring. I think you should give her a mood ring.
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Ladies, your happiness is very important to us. You have to understand that. Because when you’re happy, you let us touch you.
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My father tried to give me the sex talk once, and he chickened out. He walked into my room and went, ‘Adam – uh, don’t kiss guys.’
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My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter. For those of you that don’t know, Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a rabbit that hides colored eggs.
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As soon as you lay down, that’s when the most bizarre things start coming out of her mouth. ‘Goodnight, baby.’ ‘Do you think we were together in a past life?’ ‘Yeah, and I died of sleep deprivation. Go to bed.’ ‘Don’t you feel like we’re soul…’
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If you’re in California and it’s raining, stay home, because nobody can drive in the rain. It’s like it’s raining frogs. They’re terrified.
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There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I’m a Catholic, and she’s the devil.
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I don’t think I’ll ever meet the perfect woman. I might have to get me one of them mail order women.
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I love my girlfriend, don’t get me wrong. I truly love this woman, but I have the ability to have sex without any emotional involvement. It’s a gift.
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I talk a lot about women in my act, ’cause let’s face it — if I was hungry, I would talk about food.
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Oh, it may sound crass, but just check the color when you come home. ‘Hi honey. Infernal red? Oh boy, I ain’t getting laid, and I gotta cut the lawn, I know it.’
ADAM FERRARA