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My girlfriend wants to get married. I tell you – I hope she meets somebody nice.

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Funny Girlfriend Hope Marriage Married Meet Nice She Someone Tell You

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There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I’m a Catholic, and she’s the devil.
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I think human arrogance will be the demise of civilization.
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You gotta fight. You gotta get out the negative energy. Don’t let it build up. You end up screaming at each other over something totally stupid, like, ‘Well, why’d you put this spoon in this drawer then?’ ‘
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I don’t think it’s fair – you get married, you give your wife a wedding ring. I think you should give her a mood ring.
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Sex is important to guys. We need stories to tell our friends.
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I talk a lot about women in my act, ’cause let’s face it — if I was hungry, I would talk about food.
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I got into cars through my father. He used to work on cars. My job was to hold the light, which pretty much was the limit of my mechanical abilities.
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I don’t think I’ll ever meet the perfect woman. I might have to get me one of them mail order women.
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I love that magazine, man – Victoria’s Secret – and it comes, like, every three hours.
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Men tend to lie when it comes to sexual conquests. You should hear some of the ego-driven lies my friends have told me: ‘Swear to God, man – the hooker gave the money back.’
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I look to nature because I think the animals are smarter than we are. Animals mate; humans date.
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I sincerely want to meet the girl that was meant for me, but I want to sleep with the girls that weren’t.
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Whenever she uses the phrase ‘I was thinking…,’ that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.
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Just to p-s you off, that’s why! I got spoons hidden all over this house! Keep it up, and your napkin rings are gonna start disappearing.’
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If you’re in California and it’s raining, stay home, because nobody can drive in the rain. It’s like it’s raining frogs. They’re terrified.
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My girlfriend wants to get married. I tell you – I hope she meets somebody nice.
ADAM FERRARA

Funny Girlfriend Hope Marriage Married Meet Nice She Someone Tell You

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