I love my girlfriend, don’t get me wrong. I truly love this woman, but I have the ability to have sex without any emotional involvement. It’s a gift.
ADAM FERRARAYou can do that: you send away to the Philippines, and they send you a wife. The only thing is, once you’re on their mailing list, they keep sending you a relative a month whether you want it or not.
More Adam Ferrara Quotes
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Oh, it may sound crass, but just check the color when you come home. ‘Hi honey. Infernal red? Oh boy, I ain’t getting laid, and I gotta cut the lawn, I know it.’
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I think human arrogance will be the demise of civilization.
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I am a Catholic. Basically, the Catholic religion is ‘If it feels good – stop.’
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I look to nature because I think the animals are smarter than we are. Animals mate; humans date.
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Just to p-s you off, that’s why! I got spoons hidden all over this house! Keep it up, and your napkin rings are gonna start disappearing.’
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My father tried to give me the sex talk once, and he chickened out. He walked into my room and went, ‘Adam – uh, don’t kiss guys.’
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Men tend to lie when it comes to sexual conquests. You should hear some of the ego-driven lies my friends have told me: ‘Swear to God, man – the hooker gave the money back.’
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Whenever she uses the phrase ‘I was thinking…,’ that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.
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There’s no dating in the animal kingdom. No dinner, no movie – just a quick sniff, ‘Alright, let’s go.’
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I don’t think it’s fair – you get married, you give your wife a wedding ring. I think you should give her a mood ring.
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There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I’m a Catholic, and she’s the devil.
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I talk a lot about women in my act, ’cause let’s face it — if I was hungry, I would talk about food.
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As soon as you lay down, that’s when the most bizarre things start coming out of her mouth. ‘Goodnight, baby.’ ‘Do you think we were together in a past life?’ ‘Yeah, and I died of sleep deprivation. Go to bed.’ ‘Don’t you feel like we’re soul…’
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One day in the shower, you figure it out. It’s a special day in a man’s life. I was like, ‘Oh, I found me a hobby.’
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Sex is important to guys. We need stories to tell our friends.
ADAM FERRARA