I look to nature because I think the animals are smarter than we are. Animals mate; humans date.
ADAM FERRARAYou can do that: you send away to the Philippines, and they send you a wife. The only thing is, once you’re on their mailing list, they keep sending you a relative a month whether you want it or not.
More Adam Ferrara Quotes
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My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter. For those of you that don’t know, Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a rabbit that hides colored eggs.
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Ladies, your happiness is very important to us. You have to understand that. Because when you’re happy, you let us touch you.
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Whenever she uses the phrase ‘I was thinking…,’ that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.
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My father tried to give me the sex talk once, and he chickened out. He walked into my room and went, ‘Adam – uh, don’t kiss guys.’
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I talk a lot about women in my act, ’cause let’s face it — if I was hungry, I would talk about food.
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I know she’s just trying to make things nice, so I do my part. Now, when I get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, I turn on the light. I used to just go by sonar: just keep peeing ’til you hear water.
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I don’t think I’ll ever meet the perfect woman. I might have to get me one of them mail order women.
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There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I’m a Catholic, and she’s the devil.
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The human body is in constant change the minute we’re born. It’s in a constant state of decay. We’re all like Ford Escorts, just falling apart.
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I think human arrogance will be the demise of civilization.
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I sincerely want to meet the girl that was meant for me, but I want to sleep with the girls that weren’t.
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You gotta fight. You gotta get out the negative energy. Don’t let it build up. You end up screaming at each other over something totally stupid, like, ‘Well, why’d you put this spoon in this drawer then?’ ‘
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Go to bed.’ ‘Don’t you feel like we’re soul…’
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What if God’s a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I’ll never know why!
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I love to believe that there’s one god but there’s many different religions so there’s just the question of which long distance company you pick.
ADAM FERRARA