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Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, ‘How’s it going with that girl?’ ‘One day at a time, man.’

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I sincerely want to meet the girl that was meant for me, but I want to sleep with the girls that weren’t.
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I look to nature because I think the animals are smarter than we are. Animals mate; humans date.
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If you’re in California and it’s raining, stay home, because nobody can drive in the rain. It’s like it’s raining frogs. They’re terrified.
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I woke up my pop in the middle of the night ’cause the boogie man’s under my bed.
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Sex is important to guys. We need stories to tell our friends.
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You gotta fight. You gotta get out the negative energy. Don’t let it build up. You end up screaming at each other over something totally stupid, like, ‘Well, why’d you put this spoon in this drawer then?’ ‘
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Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, ‘How’s it going with that girl?’ ‘One day at a time, man.’
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My girlfriend wants to get married. I tell you – I hope she meets somebody nice.
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I love that magazine, man – Victoria’s Secret – and it comes, like, every three hours.
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I love my girlfriend, don’t get me wrong. I truly love this woman, but I have the ability to have sex without any emotional involvement. It’s a gift.
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My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter. For those of you that don’t know, Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a rabbit that hides colored eggs.
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There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I’m a Catholic, and she’s the devil.
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