I woke up my pop in the middle of the night ’cause the boogie man’s under my bed.
ADAM FERRARABeing in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, ‘How’s it going with that girl?’ ‘One day at a time, man.’
More Adam Ferrara Quotes
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Ladies, your happiness is very important to us. You have to understand that. Because when you’re happy, you let us touch you.
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I talk a lot about women in my act, ’cause let’s face it — if I was hungry, I would talk about food.
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My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter. For those of you that don’t know, Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a rabbit that hides colored eggs.
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The biggest thing in my life right now is my girlfriend. I love this girl. I know I love her because she told me.
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I look to nature because I think the animals are smarter than we are. Animals mate; humans date.
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As soon as you lay down, that’s when the most bizarre things start coming out of her mouth. ‘Goodnight, baby.’ ‘Do you think we were together in a past life?’ ‘Yeah, and I died of sleep deprivation. Go to bed.’ ‘Don’t you feel like we’re soul…’
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I don’t think I’ll ever meet the perfect woman. I might have to get me one of them mail order women.
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If you’re in California and it’s raining, stay home, because nobody can drive in the rain. It’s like it’s raining frogs. They’re terrified.
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I am a Catholic. Basically, the Catholic religion is ‘If it feels good – stop.’
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Sex is important to guys. We need stories to tell our friends.
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There’s no dating in the animal kingdom. No dinner, no movie – just a quick sniff, ‘Alright, let’s go.’
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I don’t think it’s fair – you get married, you give your wife a wedding ring. I think you should give her a mood ring.
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You gotta fight. You gotta get out the negative energy. Don’t let it build up. You end up screaming at each other over something totally stupid, like, ‘Well, why’d you put this spoon in this drawer then?’ ‘
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If you look at a group of people that had faith, it’s got to be the Jews. They followed Moses through the desert for 40 years with no map. There had to be one guy in the back, like, ‘I don’t think he knows where he’s going.’
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Oh, it may sound crass, but just check the color when you come home. ‘Hi honey. Infernal red? Oh boy, I ain’t getting laid, and I gotta cut the lawn, I know it.’
ADAM FERRARA