“Everything that wasn’t invented by God is invented by an engineer.”

It’s a pleasure to be in a country that isn’t ruled by its people.

The man who invented the red carpet needed his head examined.

Dontopedalogy is the science of opening your mouth and putting your foot in it, which I’ve practised for many years.

All money nowadays seems to be produced with a natural homing instinct for the Treasury.

We live in what virtually amounts to a museum – which does not happen to a lot of people.

I had been playing polo, and I decided to give up at the age of 50.

Wildlife of the world is disappearing, not because of a malicious and deliberate policy of slaughter and extermination, but simply because of a general and widespread ignorance and neglect.

Anyone who is concerned about his dignity would be well advised to keep away from horses.

It’s better to get out before you reach the sell-by date.

Young people are the same as they always were. They are just as ignorant.

I don’t think a prostitute is more moral than a wife, but they are doing the same thing.

I have very little experience of self-government. In fact, I am one of the most governed people in the world.

You could do with losing a little bit of weight.

If anyone has a new idea in this country, there are twice as many people who keep putting a man with a red flag in front of it.

Cannibalism is a radical but realistic solution to the problem of overpopulation.

It’s much better to go when you are still capable than wait until people say you’re so doddery it’s time you went.