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I walk in side and take off my jacket and my wife says Is it raining out I couldn’t help my self when I replied Nope, I had to take the gold fish for a walk. Here’s your sign!

Bill Engvall

Oh, he flew off that tower, hollering at his buddies. “Whoo, check me out, dudes! Oh, that ground is coming up…” WHAM! And what do you say, if you’re the operator of that ride, to the next guy in line? “All right dude, you’re up.”
BILL ENGVALL

Buddies Check Coming Ground Line Ride
Martial sex is kinda like ordering a Civil War chess set through the mail.
BILL ENGVALL

Pieces Sex War
You can’t tell somebody to kiss your ass on a scooter!
BILL ENGVALL

Ass Kissing Scooter
I might have tried bungee jumping, until I saw that video of that guy whose cord came untied. He didn’t know it ’till he hit the ground.
BILL ENGVALL

Funny Humor Jumping
So I sat there for a second, and then I said “did you know that if Babe Ruth had been the Messiah, the Catholics would have beer and hot dogs at Communion?” He left.
BILL ENGVALL

Catholics Communion Left Second
When the bus driver gets off the bus, who shuts the door?
BILL ENGVALL

Bus Doors Driver
You could take Vicodin, step out of the house, onto a freeway, have a truck hit you, and you’d say “My Bad!”.
BILL ENGVALL

Funny House Humor
My neighbor comes over and he says, Did you shoot that thing? I said, Nope. He ran through the wall and got stuck. Here’s your sign.
BILL ENGVALL

Neighbor Shoot Sign Stuck Wall
I walk in side and take off my jacket and my wife says Is it raining out I couldn’t help my self when I replied Nope, I had to take the gold fish for a walk. Here’s your sign!
BILL ENGVALL

Jacket Nope Replied Side Sign
This guy from L.A. sits down next to me, and he says “you like baseball?” I said, “Oh, man, I love baseball.” So he goes “Did you know that if Jesus had played ball, he’d have been the greatest ball player ever?” Like I’m gonna argue with that logic.
BILL ENGVALL

Baseball Dog Funny Jesus Logic
I’ve about decided if it wasn’t for the sex, I could be gay. Hell, then you’re just hangin’ out with your buddies.
BILL ENGVALL

Gay Hell Sex
I was traveling down the road with a buddy and there’s a guy driving around in a jeep with a dead deer strapped to the hood.
BILL ENGVALL

Giving Hunting Thinking
I know at least two people who have never been killed by hippos.
BILL ENGVALL

Hippo People Two
God was havin’ himself a good day when he made boobs. He must’ve stepped back from Eve and said, Yes ma’am! Those’ll work.
BILL ENGVALL

Day Good Made Said
I believe that the way to a man’s heart is not through his stomach. It’s a little further south.
BILL ENGVALL

Believe Heart Men
I was always the Class Clown and over time became very good at it. I started doing comedy on stage at the Dallas Comedy Corner where I honed my skills by watching guys like Garry Shandling, Robin Williams, Jay Lena and more.
BILL ENGVALL

Class Guy Skills

I walk in side and take off my jacket and my wife says Is it raining out I couldn’t help my self when I replied Nope, I had to take the gold fish for a walk. Here’s your sign!

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I walk in side and take off my jacket and my wife says Is it raining out I couldn’t help my self when I replied Nope, I had to take the gold fish for a walk. Here’s your sign!

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Popular Authors

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