[I like to] engage with funny people, or weird people, or, you know, kind of off people. [Whereas when I meet] anybody who’s … normal … I’m not curious, I’m not interested.
JERRY SEINFELDThe Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it’s so much fun.
More Jerry Seinfeld Quotes
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I love how you just make coffee and then somehow something gets done.
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Dogs have no money. Isn’t that amazing? They’re broke their entire lives. But they get through. You know why dogs have no money? .. No Pockets.
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That’s why breakups take two or three times- to build up immunity.
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There’s more to life than making shallow, fairly obvious observations.
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I always did well on the essay questions. Just put everything you know on there, maybe you’ll hit it.
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If I want a long, boring story with no point to it, I have my life.
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Most people, you do a TV series, it ends three, four, five years later; it’s a relic.
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Wise is what you want to be. Smart is easy compared to wise.
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I was the best man at the wedding… If I’m the best man, why is she marrying him?
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If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why don’t you ever see anyone take one to the beach?
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You know the message you’re sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You’re telling the world, ‘I give up. I can’t compete in normal society. I’m miserable, so I might as well be comfortable.
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Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there’s no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.
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There are more social skills required to talk one-on-one [than to an audience]. You don’t have to be socially fluid to talk to two thousand people.
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I’ve been car crazy my whole life, since I was nine years old. It’s just something I’m very aware of.
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Surveys show that the #1 fear of Americans is public speaking. #2 is death. That means that at a funeral, the average American would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.
JERRY SEINFELD