When a soldier of the night’s watch dies they say, “And now his watch is over.” That’s what they say when a comedian dies. They go, “And now his tour is done.”
BRAD WILLIAMSI try not to be hateful.
More Brad Williams Quotes
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I don’t take too many things too seriously.
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Most of the times to be honest with you, I get sexually harassed certainly more than I do to females, because… they are comfortable with me, and because they know I can’t take it to a dangerous place.
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I found out if you’re a funny guy, a lot of people like you.
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If you got a hit every third time that you went up to bat in the major leagues, you’d be the greatest hitter of all time. I think my average is a little better than that.
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I’m in awe of comedians that do things that I can’t do, whether it be a one-liner comic like Anthony Jeselnik, whether it be social issues commentary, whether it be – hell, Carrot Top. I can’t be Carrot Top. I can’t.
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It’s weird when people ask me, “Why are you so nice?” It’s like, “Because that’s just what you should do. You should be kind to people.” It seems really basic, but it’s amazing how many people forget that.
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I want to go to Australia so bad, do comedy there, and see the people there. It’s a great country. I have friends that are Australian that have told me all about it. I want to do comedy there.
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I don’t know why you’d go to a comedian and say, “You know what? You have a large menu of items, but this one thing I did not like and therefore, you should be shut down. You should cease to make a living and you should be thrown out in the streets.”
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People ask me a lot like, “Hey, so when are you done with your tour?” Like when I die. That’s when I’m done with my tour.
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That is the most confusing and insane thing to me, when people get offended on behalf of another group.
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It’s extremely important for people to be informed and to be educated and to know what’s going in their community and in their country, but every now and then you just kind of want to turn the brain off for a little bit and just laugh and be silly.
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There are plenty of wonderful, good fat people in the USA that have no problems being fat, who I have no problems with being fat.
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I don’t get to the global issues or anything like that. I am just trying to be silly.
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I don’t know, why am I called the opposite of what I am? It’s very confusing to me.
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There are things that I won’t joke about, but it’s not because I don’t think they’re funny or they can’t be made funny. It’s just that they don’t fit my particular skill set.
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There is often times when I’m in a bar or after a show, and a woman just grabs my head and shoves it into her cleavage, or grabs my ass, or something like that which – don’t get me wrong. I’m not complaining, but it’s just interesting. It’s just interesting that that occurs.
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It’s very confusing to me why people take comedians so seriously.
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I would love, obviously, just to keep doing stand-up. That’s the constant. That’s the thing that I’m going to do for the rest of my life, but also I would like a TV show at some point.
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In every other aspect of their life, we have entertainment that is crafted almost to an individual. So they expect that from stand-up as well.
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If I make a joke about black people or Asian people or whatever, and then an Asian comes up to me afterwards and says, “That joke offended me,” I’m still more or less not going to listen, but at least it makes sense, like I said something that was about them.
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I admire ventriloquists, because I can’t do that. I mean, I might get mistaken for a ventriloquist dummy every now and then, but I can’t do what they do.
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I was always the funny guy. Everyone wants to hang out with the funny guy.
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Everyone just wants to hear the exact jokes that apply to them and want to – everyone wants a perfectly crafted joke for them.
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Yeah, people do need to realize that just because they’ve seen me perform for an hour does not mean that we are now close.
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Now, I’ve gotten to the point in my career, I’m 13 years in, to where I know that I’m funny. I know that I’m good at this.
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I was a disabled child. So, people made fun of me, don’t pretend like this never happens. But at the same time, I never cried about it. I never got sad about it.
BRAD WILLIAMS