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My dog of 17 years just died. Oh you’re kidding?… Noooo… as funny as that is, I’m not

Ellen DeGeneres

So, I bought a new CD and I was trying to get it open but couldn’t with all the layers… I mean plastic and then tape, and the tape is like government tape. It says ‘open here.’ Is that sarcasm?
ELLEN DEGENERES

Government Mean Sarcasm
There are people who study germs. I believe they are called Germans
ELLEN DEGENERES

Believe Germs People
We can sit and worry about what’s going to happen to us two weeks from now. I’d rather focus on the amazing things happening right in front of us.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Country Focus People Two Worry
If someone ever says you’re weird, say thank you.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Saying Thank Weird
I don’t think I remember my first memory.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Firsts Memories Thinking
One rough patch is not the big picture.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Patch Picture Rough
We’re just trying to find happiness in the bodies and minds we were given, like everyone else.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Finding Happiness Mind Trying
I just like observing people – it’s something I’ve done ever since I was a kid, and I got really good at it. That’s a big part of why I became a comedian. My audience is filled with every kind of person you can imagine, and I love that.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Comedians Kids People
I know that experts say you’re more likely to get hurt crossing the street than you are flying, but that doesn’t make me any less frightened of flying. If anything, it makes me more afraid of crossing the street.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Experts Flying Frightened Hurt Less
When there’s time for whistling, there’s a lot of time on a show.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Funny Humor Whistling
I don’t consider myself an interviewer as much as an entertainer.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Consider Entertainers Interviewer Much
I enjoy growing older and wiser and learning from my mistakes every single day.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Day Enjoy Growing Mistake
Beauty is not between a size 0 and a size 8. It’s not a number at all.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Beauty Between Numbers Size
I am saddened by how people treat one another and how we are so shut off from one another and how we judge one another, when the truth is, we are all one connected thing. We are all from the same exact molecules.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Judgement Judging People
Dan: ‘Ah, well, I hope this didn’t have anything to do with me.’ Ellen: ‘No, not unless you played Cat Woman in Batman.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Batman Cat Well Woman
What goes up must come down, which is why I don’t wear tube tops.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Come Down Tops Tubes

My dog of 17 years just died. Oh you’re kidding?… Noooo… as funny as that is, I’m not

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My dog of 17 years just died. Oh you’re kidding?… Noooo… as funny as that is, I’m not

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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