My wife said, ‘Can my mother come down for the weekend?’ So I said, ‘Why?’ And she said, ‘Well, she’s been up on the roof two weeks already.’
BOB MONKHOUSEI’m rather relaxed about death. From quite an early age I’ve regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.
More Bob Monkhouse Quotes
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I got my start in silent radio.
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I know I’m a sinner, but make me a winner!
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I can still enjoy sex at 74 – I live at 75, so it’s no distance.
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Marriage is an investment which pays dividends if you pay interest.
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My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh.
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My father only hit me once, but he used a Volvo.
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With my wife it was sex, sex, sex…Yes, three times in 35 years.
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My wife was fitted with a coil. For about 18 months I hated it! She used to pick up CB signals.
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What do gardeners do when they retire?
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Dulwich College takes me back after seventy years: My Mum must have written one hell of a sick note!
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I’ll never stop working. I want to die in the saddle. A day is wasted for me if I haven’t done something even mildly creative.
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Personally, I don’t think there’s intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?
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I can remember when safe sex meant a padded headboard.
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When the inventor of the drawing board messed things up, what did he go back to?
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Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted.
BOB MONKHOUSE