I don’t pay attention to the number of birthdays. It’s weird when I say I’m 53. It just is crazy that I’m 53. I think I’m very immature. I feel like a kid. That’s why my back goes out all the time, because I completely forget I can’t do certain things anymore – like doing the plank for 10 minutes.
ELLEN DEGENERESReally, he called me that? Ellen DeGenerate? I’ve been getting that since fourth grade. I guess I’m happy I could give him work.
More Ellen DeGeneres Quotes
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I just like observing people – it’s something I’ve done ever since I was a kid, and I got really good at it. That’s a big part of why I became a comedian. My audience is filled with every kind of person you can imagine, and I love that.
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Most people don’t get to laugh, be free, dance, be surrounded by this energy. It’s important to remind people to take that home. I want the world to start shifting [to] a more positive energy.
ELLEN DEGENERES -
Portia and I have been married for 4 years and they have been the happiest of my life. And in those 4 years, I don’t think we hurt anyone else’s marriage. I asked all of my neighbors and they say they’re fine
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In the beginning there was nothing. God said, ‘Let there be light!’ And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better.
ELLEN DEGENERES -
There are people who study germs. I believe they are called Germans
ELLEN DEGENERES -
The only thing that scares me more than space aliens is the idea that there aren’t any space aliens. We can’t be the best that creation has to offer. I pray we’re not all there is. If so, we’re in big trouble.
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If someone ever says you’re weird, say thank you.
ELLEN DEGENERES -
We went to lunch and were talking about procrastination and the waitress overheard us and she said, ‘I have a problem with procrastination, too.’ I said ‘Really?… Get my sandwich.’
ELLEN DEGENERES -
What’s New Orleans without music? And what’s music without dancing?
ELLEN DEGENERES -
You just have to keep driving down the road. It’s going to bend and curve and you’ll speed up and slow down, but the road keeps going.
ELLEN DEGENERES -
No one is perfect, except for Penélope Cruz.
ELLEN DEGENERES -
I don’t need a baby growing inside me for nine months. If I’m going to feel nauseous and achy when I wake up, I want to achieve that state the old-fashioned way: getting good and drunk the night before.
ELLEN DEGENERES -
I don’t consider myself an interviewer as much as an entertainer.
ELLEN DEGENERES -
Penguins mate for life. Which doesn’t really surprise me, because they all look exactly alike. It’s not like they’re gonna meet a better-looking penguin someday.
ELLEN DEGENERES -
I had everything I’d hoped for, but I wasn’t being myself. So I decided to be honest about who I was. It was strange: The people who loved me for being funny suddenly didn’t like me for being… me.
ELLEN DEGENERES -
I’m glad I’m funny. I’m glad I make people happy, because that’s very important. But I’m proud to be known as a kind person.
ELLEN DEGENERES -
It is a fundamental right for people to be allowed to love who they want to love and marry who they want to marry and stop holding on to some form of discrimination that it’s just isn’t fair.
ELLEN DEGENERES -
Procrastinate now, don’t put it off.
ELLEN DEGENERES -
It was so important for me to lose everything, because I found out what the most important thing is, which is to be true to yourself.
ELLEN DEGENERES -
I think I let go of the need for approval. It certainly feels good when you get it, but I used to be more desperate for it. Once I felt better inside about myself… I could do everything based on how I want to do things.
ELLEN DEGENERES -
Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it’s worse when you see them wearing dark glasses, having streamers around their necks and a hat on their antlers. Because then you know they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot.
ELLEN DEGENERES -
Please raise your children with love and non-judgement. Tell them everyone has the right to love who they want to love. It shouldn’t threaten you or who you are.
ELLEN DEGENERES -
It would be horrible to live with someone who didn’t like the same things you like.
ELLEN DEGENERES -
You have to have funny faces and words, you can’t just have words. It is a powerful thing, and I think that’s why it’s hard for people to imagine that women can do that, be that powerful.
ELLEN DEGENERES -
It’s funny how cucumber water can taste so much better than pickle juice, even though they come from the same source.
ELLEN DEGENERES -
I learned compassion from being discriminated against. Everything bad that’s ever happened to me has taught me compassion.
ELLEN DEGENERES