Realize that sleeping on a futon when you’re 30 is not the worst thing. You know what’s worse, sleeping in a king bed next to a wife you’re not really in love with but for some reason you married, and you got a couple kids, and you got a job you hate.
BILL BURRDo you know how many times a week people ask me why I’m yelling?
More Bill Burr Quotes
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You have to understand how bad I wanted to be a comedian, how much I loved doing it. I still can’t believe I get to do this for a living and have people come up and want to see me.
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It’s just if one person says anything it becomes click bait and then they start talking about the comedy climate which is hilarious, so no.
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I do my podcast on Mondays for a specific reason. A lot of people go to work and don’t like their jobs. If you give people something to laugh about, it’s good.
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Pitbulls are like a gun you can pet.
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I mean, stand up you’re by yourself and it’s live and when you’re acting, unless you’re doing a monologue, you’re interacting with somebody else. Even if you’re doing a monologue you’re saying it to somebody and it’s not live so you can do it a few times.
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I still remember the first gig where I got people going, it was Rascals in New Jersey, and the place was packed. I was scared. People were expecting me to be funny. I gotta be honest, every time I walk into a club, it’s that same fear.
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You’ll be laying there fantasizing about sleeping on a futon. There’s no risk when you go after a dream. There’s a tremendous amount to risk to playing it safe.
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I’m like that loud guy in the bar, who kind of makes sense for about ten minutes, and then you realise he flunked everything at high school so you just laugh at him.
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I cannot believe that [Donald Trump] is actually in the debates.
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Like when I finally got away from the east coast for a while, and I came back there was just this underlying anger that I never noticed before, because I was born there and just dropped right into it.
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Let’s go to Brunch. What a great idea! Why would you want to sleep in on a Sunday when you can go pay $18 for eggs? Now, you’re thinking.
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It’s a whole new world as far as getting a show on the air. There’s good things and bad things.
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It’s been a dream to work with Netflix because they don’t have any pressure from advertisers.
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I was a feature one time and they gave me host money. When I called to complain the guy goes “no you didn’t feature, you co-hosted”. He literally invented a term so he didn’t have to pay me. And obviously that check bounced!
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I used to think you had to live this miserable life and that that would make you funnier, but you don’t. The misery will come. The misery will find you.
BILL BURR