Business runs hot and cold so the more you’re in charge of your own destiny, the better off you are.
BILL BURRDo you know how many times a week people ask me why I’m yelling?
More Bill Burr Quotes
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There’s no “brothers” when it comes to white people. We are just complete individuals. We don’t care about each other. He’s not my brother; my brother lives in Ohio – I don’t know that guy.
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Something that’s going to get the blood going. Or you can let those thoughts take you right down the rabbit hole.
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There is no reason to hit a woman. And I was just like, really? I could give you, like, 17 right off the top of my head.
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I love doing radio, and I love doing stand-up, obviously.
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I am so pro-swine flu it’s – it’s like ridiculous.
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Ric Flair is the greatest guy ever. He just wants to hang out, have a beer, and tell stories. He’s the coolest. I’ve never met The Rock though.
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Do you know how many times a week people ask me why I’m yelling?
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Out of nowhere comes this speeding camouflaged golf cart and this guy starts yelling at me, ‘What do you think you’re doing!’ The guy wrote my name down and began to follow me before I got really scared and took off as fast as I could.
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Some guy workin’ at Home Depot, he wants to f-k just as many women as a celebrity. But he can’t do it, because whores don’t care about lumber.
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I think I know how to raise a kid. You just play catch with ’em. You just talk about life, and you distract them by throwing the ball. They don’t even notice that you’re filling up their heads with your theories.
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Haven’t you noticed that every time the government f-ks up McDonald’s has a new sandwich?
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I used to think you had to live this miserable life and that that would make you funnier, but you don’t. The misery will come. The misery will find you.
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I do enjoy them. I get to meet the next generation of comics and help them out. Big comics doing small shows was something that used to happen a lot more back in the day. I wish there was more of that.
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My favorite kind of humor is basically, if it was happening to you, it wouldn’t be funny, but to observe it, it’s hilarious.
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When you say, “there’s no reason [to hit a woman]” that kills any examination as to how two people ended up at that place. When you say, “there’s no reason,” you cut out the build-up and you’re just left with the act. How you gonna solve it if you don’t figure it out?
BILL BURR