“Realize that sleeping on a futon when you’re 30 is not the worst thing. You know what’s worse, sleeping in a king bed next to a wife you’re not really in love with but for some reason you married, and you got a couple kids, and you got a job you hate.”

Everyone should just drive out to the Mojave Desert and just experience it, and it’s a fun place to live.

I keep doing specials because I think there are a lot of people who make movies and TV who are fans of comedy – if they start to like you, they’ll get a project going and call you in.

I enjoy collaborating with other people.

London was like that too. It was that time of year when all the rich kids with the oil money have their cars shipped over.

My favorite kind of humor is basically, if it was happening to you, it wouldn’t be funny, but to observe it, it’s hilarious.

If you get a chance to go outside of the country, you start examining where you’re from and some of the thought processes.

If you try to deliver a funny line in a funny way, it comes out as wacky and you ruin the scene.

I consider Ric Flair to be one of the great comedic minds. But I never got to see him growing up because that was back when they still had territories.

The greatest comebacks ever – watching [Donald Trump] get the nomination for the Republican Party is the most astounding thing I’ve ever seen.

You’ll be laying there fantasizing about sleeping on a futon. There’s no risk when you go after a dream. There’s a tremendous amount to risk to playing it safe.

It’s just if one person says anything it becomes click bait and then they start talking about the comedy climate which is hilarious, so no.

Working on the Dave Chappelle show was amazing.

I was a feature one time and they gave me host money. When I called to complain the guy goes “no you didn’t feature, you co-hosted”. He literally invented a term so he didn’t have to pay me. And obviously that check bounced!

I’m an idiot, basically. I don’t think that I’m a dumb guy, but I also realise that I have access to about 0.1 percent of the information that I need to have a truly informed opinion about half the stuff I talk about.

Think about the amount of crap the US has done! Between slavery and the genocide of the Native Americans – if any of that had been filmed like [Adolf] Hitler, we’d never live it down.

There is a very difficult period in a comedian’s career – it’s that window of time where you’re good enough to draw tickets but nobody knows you yet.

You wouldn’t show up to a great job with a terrible resume, so don’t show up to a great man with a terrible past.

As long as a journalist tells the truth, in conscience and fairness, it is not his job to worry about consequences. The truth is never as dangerous as a lie in the long run. I truly believe the truth sets men free.

The test for whether or not you can hold a job should not be the arrangement of your chromosomes.

You get thought of in terms of your last job. So if my last job is that of a meat cleaver-wielding character, I will hardly be cast as some benign, older gentleman.

Writing a good movie brings a writer about as much fame as steering a bicycle. It gets him, however, more jobs. If his movie is bad it will attract only critical tut-tut for him.

Real Dreams don’t require you to abandon your family, quit your job, and move to Tahiti with your paintbrush. They just require that you search your soul for that deep dream you put aside-and go for it. And watch your life light up.

Focus on keeping your spine straight. It is the job of the spine to keep the brain alert.

When I finished my term, I thought about running for governor then but decided not to because, frankly, I didn’t think I was ready. I wasn’t comfortable that I was prepared to do the job.