What do gardeners do when they retire?
BOB MONKHOUSEI can remember when safe sex meant a padded headboard.
More Bob Monkhouse Quotes
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With my wife it was sex, sex, sex…Yes, three times in 35 years.
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A tom cat hijacked a plane, stuck a pistol into the pilot’s ribs and demanded: ‘Take me to the canaries’.
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I can remember when safe sex meant a padded headboard.
BOB MONKHOUSE -
Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted.
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A miniature village in Bournemouth caught fire and the flames could be seen nearly three feet away.
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They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they’re not laughing now.
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I know I’m a sinner, but make me a winner!
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I’ll never stop working. I want to die in the saddle. A day is wasted for me if I haven’t done something even mildly creative.
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My father only hit me once, but he used a Volvo.
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I can still enjoy sex at 74 – I live at 75, so it’s no distance.
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Dulwich College takes me back after seventy years: My Mum must have written one hell of a sick note!
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When the inventor of the drawing board messed things up, what did he go back to?
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I came home and found that my son was taking drugs – my very best ones too!
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I’m rather relaxed about death. From quite an early age I’ve regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.
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Personally, I don’t think there’s intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?
BOB MONKHOUSE