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My wife was fitted with a coil. For about 18 months I hated it! She used to pick up CB signals.

Bob Monkhouse

Personally, I don’t think there’s intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny Humor Life
I got my start in silent radio.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny Humor Radio
I can still enjoy sex at 74 – I live at 75, so it’s no distance.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Distance Funny Sex
Dulwich College takes me back after seventy years: My Mum must have written one hell of a sick note!
BOB MONKHOUSE

College Funny Humor
My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny Mom Mother
I’m rather relaxed about death. From quite an early age I’ve regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny Guarantee Humor
My wife said, ‘Can my mother come down for the weekend?’ So I said, ‘Why?’ And she said, ‘Well, she’s been up on the roof two weeks already.’
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny Love Mother
I know I’m a sinner, but make me a winner!
BOB MONKHOUSE

Knows Sinner Winner
What do gardeners do when they retire?
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny Humor Retirement
Marriage is an investment which pays dividends if you pay interest.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny Marriage Investment Pay
My father only hit me once, but he used a Volvo.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Father Funny Humor
My wife was fitted with a coil. For about 18 months I hated it! She used to pick up CB signals.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny Humor Wife
They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they’re not laughing now.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Clever Funny Smart
I saw a specialist who asked me ‘Are you familiar with the phrase faecal impaction?’. I said I think I saw that one with Glenn Close and Michael Douglas.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Phrases Saws Thinking
Although I have always loved the noise of laughter, I really can’t fear the coming of quiet. As for funerals, I rather like them. Such nice things are always said about the deceased, I feel sad that they had to miss hearing it all by just a few days.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Laughter Missing Nice
A tom cat hijacked a plane, stuck a pistol into the pilot’s ribs and demanded: ‘Take me to the canaries’.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Cat Funny Humor

My wife was fitted with a coil. For about 18 months I hated it! She used to pick up CB signals.

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My wife was fitted with a coil. For about 18 months I hated it! She used to pick up CB signals.

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Popular Authors

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