“Smoking’s a way to let you down slowly from a ballgame. It also makes you use less of the resources around. It makes people better in the way they act towards society. Everybody’s nicer. It’s hard to be mean when you’re stoned.”

I would change policy, bring back natural grass and nickel beer. Baseball is the belly-button of our society. Straighten out baseball, and you straighten out the rest of the world.

Pretty soon you’re convinced that you will never die. When that happens I guess it is time to look for help before your life becomes one long, lost weekend.

The most important question regarding Big Data at almost any company is: How much are your customers really worth?

You realize that no matter how much you punish yourself, you always seem to wake up the next day.

You have only two hemispheres in your brain – a left and a right side. The left side controls the right side of your body and the right controls the left half. It’s a fact. Therefore, left-handers are the only people in their right minds.

I’m mad at Hank Aaron for deciding to play one more season. I threw him his last home run and thought I’d be remembered forever. Now, I’ll have to throw him another.

Alcohol is like anything else. It’s only as bad as the person it’s being poured into. If it’s used to heighten an occasion, or to take an edge off stress, I don’t see a problem.

The more self-centered and egotistical a guy is, the better ballplayer he’s going to be.

You take a team with twenty-five assholes and I’ll show you a pennant. I’ll show you the New York Yankees.

As a physician I have sympathy for patients suffering from pain and other medical conditions.

Marijuana is like Coors beer. If you could buy the damn stuff at a Georgia filling station, youd decide you wouldnt want it.

I would decriminalize marijuana, but you step out of your house high and you bother somebody else in any way, shape or form, I’m going to slap a fine on you that’s going to curl your hair!

To make marijuana against the law is like saying God made a big mistake.

Why is marijuana against the law? It grows naturally on our planet, serves a thousand different functions, all of them positive. To make marijuana against the law is like saying that God made a mistake.

So what if it’s risky? It’s the right thing to do. What we’re talking about is 160 people in deep pain. It only affects them.

I don’t believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It’s on my dashboard and you wind it up. The wings flap and it’s supposed to give you a parking space. It’s worked so far.

In the “Personal Story” segment tonight, the state of Oregon is extremely liberal in its state government and judicial system.That state has lenient drug laws, including wide access to medical marijuana.