“No one will do it for you.”

My feeling is that Darwinism is only at best a partial solution, and an extremely dangerous partial solution.

The sad fact is that spending rises every year, no matter what people want or say they want.

I don’t like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don’t think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period.

I thought that all of the sacrifices and blessings of the whole history of mankind have devolved upon me. Thank you, God.

And now, any of those who refuse, or are unable, to prove they are citizens will receive free insurance paid for by those who are forced to buy insurance because they are citizens.

People getting rich in a free society in general – with some scammy exceptions, which are rare – makes everyone else richer, too.

The American system is the most successful in the world because it harmonizes best with the aims and longings of human personality while allowing the best protection to other personalities.

I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees Christmas trees. I don’t feel threatened. I don’t feel discriminated against.

I don’t believe the most successful people are the ones who got the best grades, got into the best schools, or made the most money.

I did some reading to prep for Expelled. I read one book cover to cover, From Darwin to Hitler , and that was a very interesting book – one of these rare books I wish had been even longer.

If there is no God, why bother to tell the truth? Why not steal?

Academic freedom is being lost by a great many people who dare to challenge Darwinism. That’s a terrifying situation. That’s contrary to the principles of science.

It’s amazing what ordinary people can do if they set out without preconceived notions.

Politics is a thankless occupation; I have no interest in it at all.

My pals, such as they are, in Hollywood, ask me why I love to travel to D.C. so much, why it’s a vacation destination for me. I say, ‘Because I sometimes have perfect days there.’

What’s a good investment? Go home from work early and spend the afternoon throwing a ball around with your son.

Mother, she likes the blue material just fine.

Or people say, ‘Oh, man, you just roll out of bed and do that.’ The work is to make it look effortless. That’s the hard part.

There are certain nights you and your image just aren’t in the same bed.

I don’t want to just revolve. I want to evolve. As a man, as a human, as a father, as a lover.

Life is just a bowl of pits.

My goal is just to become a better comedian.

Just because a subject is serious doesn’t mean it doesn’t have plenty of absurdities.

Teasing and a sense of humor, if you can develop that in your kids, and if you can exercise it with the kids, just makes for a pleasanter atmosphere.