A Harvard Medical School study has determined that rectal thermometers are still the best way to tell a baby’s temperature. Plus, it really teaches the baby who’s boss.
TINA FEYIn an attempt to make things easier for myself, which is the basis for all of history’s worst decisions […].
More Tina Fey Quotes
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There are a couple of things I want to impart to ladies who want to be in comedy: One, you don’t have to be weird or be quirky to get your job done. And two, comedy skill is not sexually transmittable.
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According to a new study, women in satisfying marriages are less likely to develop cardiovascular diseases than unmarried women. So don’t worry, lonely women, you’ll be dead soon.
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To say I’m an overrated troll, when you have never even seen me guard a bridge, is patently unfair.
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If the answer is no, ignore it and move on. Your energy is better used doing your work and outpacing people that way. Then, when you’re in charge, don’t hire the people who were jerky to you.
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If you ever start to feel good about yourself… …. they have this thing called the internet.
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Seriously, I’ve just realized that almost everyone is a fraud, so I try not to feel too bad about it.
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This week, penny collector Gene Sukie went to the bank and cashed in ten thousand pounds of pennies he had collected over 34 years, which were worth over fourteen thousand dollars. And, of course, I was in line behind him.
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I think part of picking where you live in New York is accepting who you are. Really looking at yourself and going, ‘Yeah, I’m not cool enough for the West Village.’
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So, my unsolicited advice to women in the workplace is this. When faced with sexism, or ageism, or lookism, or even really aggressive Buddhism, ask yourself the following question: “Is this person in between me and what I want to do?”
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It was reported that the New York Knicks have won all 12 of the home games attended by magician David Blaine. A spokesman for the Knicks said, ‘if this is what it takes to win, it’s not worth it.’
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Sometimes if you have a difficult decisin to make, just stall until the answer presents itself.
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When humor works, it works because it’s clarifying what people already feel. It has to come from someplace real.
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I have no affinity for animals. I don’t hate animals and I would never hurt an animal; I just don’t actively care about them.
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Now every girl is expected to have: Caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose, hairless Asian skin with a California tan, a Jamaican dance hall ass, long Swedish legs, small Japanese feet, the abs of a lesbian gym owner, the hips of a nine-year-old boy.
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When I turned 50, I looked in the mirror and I thought: “Hey, this isn’t the dress rehearsal, this is life and I don’t know how much longer I’m going to have!”
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Why are my arms so weak? It’s like I did that push-up last year for nothing!
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Politics and prostitution have to be the only jobs where inexperience is considered a virtue.
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If you retain nothing else, always remember the most important Rule of Beauty. “Who cares?”
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If you are a woman and you bought this book for practical tips on how to make it in a male-dominated workplace, here they are. No pigtails, no tube tops. Cry sparingly.
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What Turning Forty Means to Me I need to take my pants off as soon as I get home. I didn’t used to have to do that. But now I do.
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I was a little excited but mostly blorft. “Blorft” is an adjective I just made up that means ‘Completely overwhelmed but proceeding as if everything is fine and reacting to the stress with the torpor of a possum.’ I have been blorft every day for the past seven years.
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I want to thank my parents for somehow raising me to have confidence that is disproportionate with my looks and abilities.
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It will never be perfect, but perfect is overrated. Perfect is boring on live TV.
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Do your thing and don’t care if they like it.
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Sometimes you want to have a very productive Saturday to feel that you are in control of your life, which of course you are not.
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In my experience, the hardest thing about having someone “come out” to you is the “pretending to be surprised” part.
TINA FEY