When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, ‘Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don’t believe?’
QUENTIN CRISPWhen asked, ‘Shall I tell my mother I’m gay?’, I reply, ‘Never tell your mother anything.
More Quentin Crisp Quotes
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You fall out of your mother’s womb, you crawl across open country under fire, and drop into your grave.
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Manners are love in a cool climate.
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What would you be like if you were the only person in the world? If you want to be truly happy you must be that person.
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The formula for achieving a successful relationship is simple: you should treat all disasters as if they were trivialities but never treat a triviality as if it were a disaster.
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If love means anything at all it means extending your hand to the unlovable.
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Men get laid, but women get screwed.
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Women have decided to be people, which is a great mistake. Women were nicer than people.
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The happiest moments in any affair take place after the loved one has learned to accommodate the lover and before the maddening personality of either party has emerged like a jagged rock from the receding tides of lust and curiosity.
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The worst part of being gay in the twentieth century is all that damn disco music to which one has to listen.
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Euphemisms are unpleasant truths wearing diplomatic cologne.
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The gymnasiacs of Venice, in California, are so addicted to these practices that there has arisen a nation of men who can no longer put their arms against their sides
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Quentin Crisp (to handsome young man on the street): “What’s the matter, sexy? Don’t you like dehydrated fruit?
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What my parents thought of this, I don’t know. But they bore it. And the real problem was not my sin, but my unemployability.
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Fashion is a way of not having to decide who you are. Style is deciding who you are and being able to perpetuate it.
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I take it to be axiomatic that people are revolted by witnessing the shameless gratification of an appetite they do not share.
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Never sweep. After four years the dirt gets no worse.
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I never say ‘No’ to anything.
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The world now seems a stunningly ignoble place. It has not really grown all that much worse but appears to have done so because we know so much more about it than we did.
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There is no need to do any housework at all. After the first four years the dirt doesn’t get any worse.
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To love another person you have to undertake some fragment of their destiny.
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One should always be wary of anyone who promises that their love will last longer than a weekend.
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Keeping up with the Joneses was a full-time job with my mother and father. It was not until many years later when I lived alone that I realized how much cheaper it was to drag the Joneses down to my level.
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If Mr. Vincent Price were to be co-starred with Miss Bette Davis in a story by Mr. Edgar Allan Poe directed by Mr. Roger Corman, it could not fully express the pent-up violence and depravity of a single day in the life of the average family.
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Assoon as I stepped out of my mother’s womb on to dry land, I realized that I had made a mistake?but the trouble with children is that they are not returnable.
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Look inward and ask not if there is anything outside you want, but whether there is anything inside that you have not yet unpacked.
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I recommend limiting one’s involvement in other people’s lives to a pleasantly scant minimum. This may seem too stoical a position in these madly passionate times, but madly passionate people rarely make good on their madly passionate promises.
QUENTIN CRISP