There is one thing women can never take away from men. We die sooner.
P. J. O'ROURKEOnce you’ve built the big machinery of political power, remember you won’t always be the one to run it.
More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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All change is bad. But sometimes it has to be done.
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Why do elites hate the poor? It’s xenophobia. They don’t know any poor people – except their off-the-books Brazilian nanny and illegal immigrant cleaning lady from Upper Revolta who don’t speak English.
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A humorist doesn’t really do that much note-taking.
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Seriousness is stupidity sent to college.
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Like most sensible people, you probably lost interest in modern art about the time that Julian Schnabel was painting broken pieces of the crockery that his wife had thrown at him for painting broken pieces of crockery instead of painting the bathroom and hall.
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You can’t destroy America by destroying our elite. Think about America’s elite. Think about it down through history. Destroy our elite, and about half the time, you’re doing us a favor.
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Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.
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There is no horizon in Toledo. There are too many trees.
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People think the free market is a philosophy, they think that it is a creed. It is none of those things. Free market is a bathroom scale, it is a measuring tape, it’s simply a measurement.
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Wealth brings great benefits to the world. Rich people are heros.
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The best and brightest don’t go into politics. The best and brightest are at Goldman Sachs.
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The Communist bloc of old was a study in the failure of failure. Losers in the Soviet economy were the people at the end of the long lines for consumer goods. Worse losers were the people who had spent hours getting to the head of the line, only to be told that the goods were unavailable.
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It’s better to make fun of yourself because you’ve always got someone around to make fun of, and they can’t sue you.
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Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.
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The most brilliant satire of all time was ‘A Modest Proposal’ by Jonathan Swift. You’ll notice how everything got straightened out in Ireland within days of that coming out.
P. J. O'ROURKE