Never wear anything that panics the cat.
P. J. O'ROURKEMaking fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope.
More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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The best and brightest don’t go into politics. The best and brightest are at Goldman Sachs.
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Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern, like bad wallpaper.
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I read good. I was an English major.
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Sometimes the right response to evil is an appeal to powerful and effective social organization – an appeal to civilization itself.
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New Hampshire polling data are unreliable because, when you call the Granite State’s registered Republicans and independents in the middle of dinner and ask them who they’re going to vote for, they have a mouth full of mashed potatoes and you can’t understand what they say.
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The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn’t work and then they get elected and prove it.
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Hubris is one of the great renewable resources.
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The idea of a stag hunt evokes chivalry – knights in jerkins and hose, ladies on sidesaddles with wimples and billowing dresses, a white stag symbolizing something-or-other, and Robin Hood getting in the way. An actual stag hunt is more like a horseback meeting of a county planning commission.
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The real purpose of welfare is to get rid of poor people entirely. Everybody knows welfare has bad effects; that’s the point.
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Kuwait City is not gorgeous, actually, but it’s got a kind of Epcot Center thing going for it. It’s not pretty. But it’s striking, I’ll give it that. It’s not as over-the-top as Abu Dhabi or Dubai. But nearly.
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If you spend 72 hours in a place you’ve never been, talking to people whose language you don’t speak about social, political, and economic complexities you don’t understand, and you come back as the world’s biggest know-it-all, you’re a reporter. Either that or you’re President Obama.
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If you think health care is expensive now, just wait ’til it’s free.
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Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
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Like most sensible people, you probably lost interest in modern art about the time that Julian Schnabel was painting broken pieces of the crockery that his wife had thrown at him for painting broken pieces of crockery instead of painting the bathroom and hall.
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Seriousness is stupidity sent to college.
P. J. O'ROURKE