Each child is biologically required to have a mother. Fatherhood is a well-regarded theory, but motherhood is a fact.
P. J. O'ROURKEArab-led Islamic fundamentalism destabilizes nations from Algeria to the Philippines.
More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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Political systems are run by self-selecting politicians. We don’t draft people; it’s not jury duty.
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Liberals are always proposing perfectly insane ideas, laws that will make everybody happy, laws that will make everything right, make us live forever, and all be rich. Conservatives are never that stupid.
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The 20th century was a test bed for big ideas – fascism, communism, the atomic bomb.
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Political leaders are expert at saying nothing.
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Never wear anything that panics the cat.
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Head lice have their own animal-rights group, or may as well. The National Pediculosis Association doesn’t exactly advocate letting lice live with dignity, but it does oppose pediculicidal treatments.
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Everybody in the Middle East wants to explain why they’re right.
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Adam Smith’s huge failure was the fact that he did not foresee the industrial revolution.
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My dad died when I was young; my mom remarried with more haste than sense to a fellow… he wasn’t evil or anything, but he was worthless.
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I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a ‘learning experience.’ Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I’ve done as a ‘learning experience.’ It makes me feel less stupid.
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Liberals have invented whole college majors – psychology, sociology and women’s studies – to prove that nothing is anybody’s fault.
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Agriculture is a business that has been up to its bib overalls in politics since the first Thanksgiving dinner kickback to the Indians for subsidizing Pilgrim maize production with fish head fertilizer grants.
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There is one thing women can never take away from men. We die sooner.
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We will win an election when all the seats in the House and Senate and the chair behind the desk in the Oval Office and the whole bench of the Supreme Court are filled with people who wish they weren’t there.
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Let’s reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools – and use it on the teachers.
P. J. O'ROURKE