Never wear anything that panics the cat.
P. J. O'ROURKERegulation creates a moral hazard.
More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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Richard Nixon was the best thing that ever happened to journalism. I mean this guy was wonderful. Just when you thought he could get no worse, he got worse.
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Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.
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Political systems are run by self-selecting politicians. We don’t draft people; it’s not jury duty.
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By the end of the 1950s, American cars were so reliable that their reliability went without saying even in car ads. Thousands of them bear testimony to this today, still running on the roads of Cuba though fueled with nationalized Venezuelan gasoline and maintained with spit and haywire.
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The Communist bloc of old was a study in the failure of failure. Losers in the Soviet economy were the people at the end of the long lines for consumer goods. Worse losers were the people who had spent hours getting to the head of the line, only to be told that the goods were unavailable.
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Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.
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The weirder you’re going to behave, the more normal you should look. It works in reverse, too. When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person.
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Don’t send funny greeting cards on birthdays or at Christmas. Save them for funerals, when their cheery effect is needed.
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I like fiction and the kind of history that gives the grace and flavor of fiction to the past. No bloviation on current events, please. I can write that junk myself.
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The whole idea of our government is this: If enough people get together and act in concert, they can take something and not pay for it.
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If you think health care is expensive now, just wait ’til it’s free.
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Gay marriage acceptance is happening in the blink of an eye.
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I don’t even know which end of a computer one is supposed to gaze into. I’ve never used a computer.
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There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences.
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Computers seem a little too adaptively flexible, like the strange natives, odd societies, and head cases we study in the social sciences. There’s more opposable thumb in the digital world than I care for; it’s awfully close to human.
P. J. O'ROURKE