We need a government, alas, because of the nature of humans.
P. J. O'ROURKEThe body is forever teaching us lessons. There are all sorts of things that we can’t do, shouldn’t do, had better not do very often or do for too long as we get older. The body makes its presence known.
More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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The C student starts a restaurant. The A student writes restaurant reviews.
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The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore.
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Will Generation X and the Millennials do a better job running the world than the boomers have? Let’s hope so.
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All change is bad. But sometimes it has to be done.
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The budget doesn’t have much control over the government. Then again, the government doesn’t have much control over the budget.
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Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.
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Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope.
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Wealth brings great benefits to the world. Rich people are heros.
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Kuwait City is not gorgeous, actually, but it’s got a kind of Epcot Center thing going for it. It’s not pretty. But it’s striking, I’ll give it that. It’s not as over-the-top as Abu Dhabi or Dubai. But nearly.
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When you’re a war correspondent, the reader is for you because the reader is saying, ‘Gee, I wouldn’t want to be doing that.’ They’re on your side.
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Southern California is a nice place, if you could cut out the show-business cancer. It just keeps spreading.
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Preachers at black churches are the last people left in the English-speaking world who know the schemes and tropes of classical rhetoric: parallelism, antithesis, epistrophe, synecdoche, metonymy, periphrasis, litotes – the whole bag of tricks.
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Like most sensible people, you probably lost interest in modern art about the time that Julian Schnabel was painting broken pieces of the crockery that his wife had thrown at him for painting broken pieces of crockery instead of painting the bathroom and hall.
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The real purpose of welfare is to get rid of poor people entirely. Everybody knows welfare has bad effects; that’s the point.
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Hubris is one of the great renewable resources.
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Liberals have invented whole college majors – psychology, sociology and women’s studies – to prove that nothing is anybody’s fault.
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I’m too tough and sensitive to have to have some pubescent twerp with his mom’s earring in his tongue, who combs his hair with Redi-Whip and has an Ani DiFranco tattoo on his shin, come show me how a computer works.
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Barack Obama is more irritating than the other nuisances on the Left.
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Teasing and a sense of humor, if you can develop that in your kids, and if you can exercise it with the kids, just makes for a pleasanter atmosphere.
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It’s better to make fun of yourself because you’ve always got someone around to make fun of, and they can’t sue you.
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Death is so important that God visited death upon his own son, thereby helping us learn right from wrong well enough that we may escape death forever and live eternally in God’s grace.
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Staying married may have long-term benefits. You can elicit much more sympathy from friends over a bad marriage than you ever can from a good divorce.
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The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop.
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Richard Nixon was the best thing that ever happened to journalism. I mean this guy was wonderful. Just when you thought he could get no worse, he got worse.
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I rarely meet a politician that I don’t like personally. They are generally well endowed with charm. Therein lies the danger.
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I’m old enough to remember when the air over American cities was a lot dirtier than it is now.
P. J. O'ROURKE