The role of humour is to make people fall down and writhe on the Axminster, and that is the top and bottom of it.
ALAN CORENTelevision is more interesting than people. If it were not we should have people standing in the corner of our room.
More Alan Coren Quotes
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10.30 Newsnight: What Are The Chances Of World War Three Breaking Out After You Have Gone To Bed?
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It is a magic carpet under which everything has been swept.
ALAN COREN -
There are many mysteries in old age but the greatest, surely, is this: in those adverts for walk-in bathtubs, why doesn’t all the water gush out when you get in?
ALAN COREN -
Television is more interesting than people. If it were not we should have people standing in the corner of our room.
ALAN COREN -
Why they emigrated is not exactly clear, but many scholars believe it was because they saw the way Sweden was going, i.e. neutral.
ALAN COREN -
Being a personality is not the same thing as having a personality.
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Malta is the only country in the world where the local delicacy is the bread.
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The word “souvenir” has, of course, slightly extended itself in meaning until it now denotes almost anything either breakable or useless.
ALAN COREN -
Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they’ve told you what you think it is you want to hear.
ALAN COREN -
Disneyworld… is a historical reconstruction as sanitised as the Kremlin’s, and a future vision as uncognisant of contemporary pointers as Peter Pan’s.
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The Act of God designation on all insurance policies; which means, roughly, that you cannot be insured for the accidents that are most likely to happen to you.
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Enjoy your life today because yesterday had gone and tomorrow may never come.
ALAN COREN -
All I know of birds to this date is that sparrows are the ones that are not pigeons.
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Inside this hothouse, huge lascivious orchids slide sensuously up the sweating windows, passion-flowers cross-pollinate in wild heliotrope abandon, lotuses writhe with poppies in the sweet warm beds.
ALAN COREN -
English Bohemianism is a curiously unluscious fruit.
ALAN COREN






