Kumquats ripen, open and plop flatly to the floor-and outside, in a neat, trimly-hoed kitchen-garden.

ALAN COREN

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Kumquats ripen, open and plop flatly to the floor-and outside, in a neat, trimly-hoed kitchen-garden.

Alan Coren

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Being a personality is not the same thing as having a personality.

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Being a personality is not the same thing as having a personality.
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Kumquats ripen, open and plop flatly to the floor-and outside, in a neat, trimly-hoed kitchen-garden.

ALAN COREN

Kumquats ripen, open and plop flatly to the floor-and outside, in a neat, trimly-hoed kitchen-garden.
ALAN COREN

Carrier Flatly Kitchen Kumquat Order Ripen Row
There are many mysteries in old age but the greatest, surely, is this: in those adverts for walk-in bathtubs, why doesn’t all the water gush out when you get in?

ALAN COREN

There are many mysteries in old age but the greatest, surely, is this: in those adverts for walk-in bathtubs, why doesn’t all the water gush out when you get in?
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Advert Bathtub Greatest Gush Out Surely
The Act of God designation on all insurance policies; which means, roughly, that you cannot be insured for the accidents that are most likely to happen to you.
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Cannot Incur Designation Insurance Roughly
To have a grievance is to have a purpose in life.

ALAN COREN

To have a grievance is to have a purpose in life.
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10.30 Newsnight: What Are The Chances Of World War Three Breaking Out After You Have Gone To Bed?

ALAN COREN

10.30 Newsnight: What Are The Chances Of World War Three Breaking Out After You Have Gone To Bed?
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Having lost the last war, they are currently enjoying a “Wirtschaftswunder,” which can be briefly translated as “The best way to own a Mercedes is to build one.”

ALAN COREN

Having lost the last war, they are currently enjoying a “Wirtschaftswunder,” which can be briefly translated as “The best way to own a Mercedes is to build one.”
ALAN COREN

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Jacob is a German Shepherd. (I have never understood why they aren’t called German Sheepdogs. What do the Germans call shepherds?)

ALAN COREN

Jacob is a German Shepherd. (I have never understood why they aren’t called German Sheepdogs. What do the Germans call shepherds?)
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Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they’ve told you what you think it is you want to hear.

ALAN COREN

Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they’ve told you what you think it is you want to hear.
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Democrat Think
All I know of birds to this date is that sparrows are the ones that are not pigeons.

ALAN COREN

All I know of birds to this date is that sparrows are the ones that are not pigeons.
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The role of humour is to make people fall down and writhe on the Axminster, and that is the top and bottom of it.

ALAN COREN

The role of humour is to make people fall down and writhe on the Axminster, and that is the top and bottom of it.
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Malta is the only country in the world where the local delicacy is the bread.

ALAN COREN

Malta is the only country in the world where the local delicacy is the bread.
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Strictly speaking, the land does not exist; it is merely dehydrated sea.

ALAN COREN

Strictly speaking, the land does not exist; it is merely dehydrated sea.
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Disneyworld… is a historical reconstruction as sanitised as the Kremlin’s, and a future vision as uncognisant of contemporary pointers as Peter Pan’s.

ALAN COREN

Disneyworld… is a historical reconstruction as sanitised as the Kremlin’s, and a future vision as uncognisant of contemporary pointers as Peter Pan’s.
ALAN COREN

Contemporary Disneyworld Historical Point Reconstruction Sanitise Uncognisant
Inside this hothouse, huge lascivious orchids slide sensuously up the sweating windows, passion-flowers cross-pollinate in wild heliotrope abandon, lotuses writhe with poppies in the sweet warm beds.

ALAN COREN

Inside this hothouse, huge lascivious orchids slide sensuously up the sweating windows, passion-flowers cross-pollinate in wild heliotrope abandon, lotuses writhe with poppies in the sweet warm beds.
ALAN COREN

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Enjoy your life today because yesterday had gone and tomorrow may never come.

ALAN COREN

Enjoy your life today because yesterday had gone and tomorrow may never come.
ALAN COREN

never Tomorrow May Yesterday

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