Had your forefathers, Wigglesworth, been as stupid as you are, the human race would never have succeeded in procreating itself.
ALAN BENNETTWere we closer to the ground as children, or is the grass emptier now?
More Alan Bennett Quotes
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One of the hardest things for a teacher to learn is not to try and tell them.
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Schweitzer in the Congo did not derive more moral credit than Larkin did for living in Hull.
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Cancer, like any other illness, is a bore.
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Imagine that. Per person. This means that if the time scale is diminished in proportion to that of space it would be quite possible for the whole story of Greece and Rome to be played out between farts.
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If I had to sum up my work, I suppose that’s it really: I’m taking the pith out of reality.
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But the headmaster happened to have been to Cambridge and decided to try and push some of us towards Oxford and Cambridge.
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There’s very little in the substance of [THE LADY IN THE VAN] which is not fact though some adjustments have had to be made.
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The longer I practise medicine, the more convinced I am there are only two types of cases: those that involve taking the trousers off and those that don’t.
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Definition of a classic: a book everyone is assumed to have read and often thinks they have.
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A composite too are the neighbours, Pauline and Rufus, though I have made Rufus a publisher in remembrance of my neighbour, the late Colin Haycraft, the proprietor of Duckworth’s.
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The liturgy is best treated and read as if it’s someone announcing the departure of trains.
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History is a commentary on the various and continuing incapabilities of men. What is history? History is women following behind with the bucket.
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To read is to withdraw.To make oneself unavailable. One would feel easier about it if the pursuit inself were less…selfish.
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I’m for the freedom of expression, given that it will be under strict control.
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We still don’t like to admit the war was even partly our fault because so many of our people died.
ALAN BENNETT