Today I will masterbate! Okay, that was a mistake. I should have written “Today I will masterbate–if I want to!
AL FRANKENWell, a lot of politics is communicating with people, and obviously comedy has something to do with that.
More Al Franken Quotes
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I want a president who can handle a cream soda.
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It was hard for him to project who he is, the person people know in private.
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The Fourth Amendment doesn’t apply to corporations.
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I grew up in Minnesota, where we treasure our tradition of civic engagement – and our record of having the nation’s highest voter participation.
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A blogger should have the same ability to find an audience as a media conglomerate.
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Too many people don’t protect their smartphones with a password or PIN.
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When people talked about protecting their privacy when I was growing up, they were talking about protecting it from the government.
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I don’t know what happens to you after you die. I’m not banking on there being, like, a heaven.
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Let’s keep the Internet weird. Let’s keep the Internet free.
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Grown-up love means actually understanding what you love, taking the good with the bad and helping your loved one grow.
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Skepticism turns to cynicism, which leads to apathy and despair, which can cause sleeplessness, dry-mouth, and loss of sex drive?
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I had a great time working on the movies, both the major movies I’ve done.
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When I first started writing for television in the seventies and eighties, the Internet didn’t exist.
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I once asked the most fabulous couple I know, Madonna and Guy Ritchie, how they kept things fresh despite having been married for almost seven months. ‘It’s a job, Al,’ Guy told me. ‘We work at it every day.’
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It is my fondest wish that in the fullness of time, the American people will look back on the Franken presidency as something of a mixed bag and not as a complete disaster.
AL FRANKEN