“I don’t know what happens to you after you die. I’m not banking on there being, like, a heaven.”

I’m a bit of a shill for the Clinton Administration, which has its perks. I’m invited to all the inaugural balls.

In our political system, money is power. And that means a few can have a lot more power than the rest.

They’re trying to pay for health care and send their kids to college, they’re worried about declining home values, they’re scared for a loved one they have serving in Iraq.

Medicare was established to secure that promise.

I know I have an awful lot to learn from the people of Minnesota.

For 35 years I was a writer. I wrote a lot of jokes. Some of them weren’t funny. Some of them weren’t appropriate. Some of them were downright offensive. I understand that.

Most of us here in the media are what I call infotainers…

Anyone with an Internet connection and a few dollars can obtain personal information they should never have access to, including a user’s date of birth, e-mail address, or estimated income.

My dad never graduated high school. He was a printing salesman.

I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and dog-gone it, people like me.

I am a Minnesotan, and not just because I root for the Vikings and the Twins. I like the Minnesota-nice sensibility.

We need to be pro-science; we have to go back to science.

I think there are all kinds of different hells. It’s not a place you go to after you die.

I don’t think I’m an angry person. I think I’m a person who’s angry. I’m angry at the Bush administration;

I felt like the luckiest kid in the world. And I was. I was growing up middle-class in a time when growing up middle-class in America meant there would be jobs for my parents.

My dad loved comedians, especially George Jessel, and he loved Henny Youngman and Buddy Hackett.

Except for a God who sits down after the universe begins, all other gods conflict with the assumptions of science.