“I think the government has a role in protecting the fundamental rights of its citizens.”

I’m a bit of a shill for the Clinton Administration, which has its perks. I’m invited to all the inaugural balls.

In our political system, money is power. And that means a few can have a lot more power than the rest.

They’re trying to pay for health care and send their kids to college, they’re worried about declining home values, they’re scared for a loved one they have serving in Iraq.

Medicare was established to secure that promise.

I know I have an awful lot to learn from the people of Minnesota.

For 35 years I was a writer. I wrote a lot of jokes. Some of them weren’t funny. Some of them weren’t appropriate. Some of them were downright offensive. I understand that.

Most of us here in the media are what I call infotainers…

Anyone with an Internet connection and a few dollars can obtain personal information they should never have access to, including a user’s date of birth, e-mail address, or estimated income.

My dad never graduated high school. He was a printing salesman.

I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and dog-gone it, people like me.

I am a Minnesotan, and not just because I root for the Vikings and the Twins. I like the Minnesota-nice sensibility.

We need to be pro-science; we have to go back to science.

I think there are all kinds of different hells. It’s not a place you go to after you die.

I don’t think I’m an angry person. I think I’m a person who’s angry. I’m angry at the Bush administration;

I felt like the luckiest kid in the world. And I was. I was growing up middle-class in a time when growing up middle-class in America meant there would be jobs for my parents.

My dad loved comedians, especially George Jessel, and he loved Henny Youngman and Buddy Hackett.

No matter how strong a condom is, it won’t protect you from a broken heart.

The brave, impetuous heart yields everywhere to the subtle, contriving head.

We are here because there are things that need our help. Like the planet. Like each other. Like animals. The world is like a garden, and we are its protectors.

She was holding strong to the principle of being respectful and loyal to the pledge of being protective of her boundaries and sanity.

God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don’t run after them.

I respect that you want to protect your niece. You know, I didn’t want my daughter to become a boxer. Neither did Mohammad. But Joe Frazier, on the other hand, he had his baby girl boxing in the crib.

You have to protect yourself at all times. What goes around comes around.

It would be sad if we lost our instinct and our courage to love and protect.