“Listen, I have to spend every single day living with me, so I know for a fact; I’m lovely, I’m completely lovely.”

I can read people, and if the other person doesn’t want to say anything,

I’ve always thought darker characters were more fun to play.

What is the key to life on Earth?

I have been in control of what Ive been doing, of the career Ive put together.

They’re probably not any more complex or interesting than their good, law-abiding cousins, and I’d always tend to see things from their point of view.

I’m fine with that. People say things when it’s time to say them.

It is exciting to be off to a new land with a new friend.

I find still photographs make me quite self-conscious.

For me, now, working and children is it. Theres nothing more to life.

I have Gordon Ramsay to thank for my TV career because Channel 4 spent a long time trying to find him a sidekick for ‘The F Word’, then he suggested me, knowing I’d stand up to him.

Everybody I know is a joke writer.

Let us never know what old age is. Let us know the happiness time brings, not count the years.

I don’t even know which end of a computer one is supposed to gaze into. I’ve never used a computer.

I have a family and you know very well the time that that takes. That’s good time. I have a couple hobbies. I’m a runner and play tennis. In the summer my family and I uproot ourselves and go live in Maine for the summer.

You know, I was once named Minor League Player of the Year… unfortunately, I had been in the majors for two years at the time.

The real purpose of welfare is to get rid of poor people entirely. Everybody knows welfare has bad effects; that’s the point.

Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.