“If I’m not back in 5 minutes, just wait longer.”

If you aren’t in the moment, you are either looking forward to uncertainty, or back to pain and regret.

There is a huge difference between a dog that is going to eat you in your mind and an actual dog that’s going to eat you.

I’m a hard guy to live with. I’m like a caged animal. I’m up all night walking around the living room. It’s hard for me to come down from what I do.

True religion has, at its core: Love, Peace, Mercy, Justice and Freedom. If any of these elements is not fully present in a religion, the religion has been compromised.

You can fail at what you don’t want, so you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.

I don’t believe in bad people. I believe that people, somewhere inside, have the potential to realize themselves.

Psychologically, it’s what I love to be. Tearing apart a person from the inside out.

Psychologically, it’s what I love to be. Tearing apart a person from the inside out.

This is the voice of your ego. If you listen to it, there will always be someone who seems to be doing better than you.

This is the voice of your ego. If you listen to it, there will always be someone who seems to be doing better than you.

So many of us choose our path out of fear disguised as practicality.

I absolutely want to have a career where you make’em laugh and make’em cry. It’s all theater.

I don’t hate you for loving you. I just hate my heart for choosing someone like you.

I wished people could realize all of their dreams of wealth and fame so they could see that it’s not where you’ll find your sense of completion.

Desperation is a necessary ingredient to learning anything, or creating anything. Period. If you ain’t desperate at some point, you ain’t interesting.

One man’s toxic waste is another man’s potpourri.

I want to ride in a cold air balloon. “This isn’t going anywhere!”

If men had to have babies, they would only ever have one each.

A lot of the things I say I’m just trying to be funny. I don’t really mean everything I say, because I’m not totally that airhead.

I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me.

If 13 is unlucky, then 12 and 14 are guilty by association.

One must never set up a murder. They must happen unexpectedly, as in life.

I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn’t have one. So I got a cake.

A friend said to me, “I think the weather is trippy.” I said, “No, man, it’s not the weather that’s trippy, perhaps it’s the way we perceive it.” And then I realized I just should have said, “Yeah.”