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Ralph Nader has slavery reparations on his platform, which makes me think he’s not serious. If he thought he could win he wouldn’t even say that.

Dave Chappelle

I have all these weird fantasies. Going coast-to-coast on my motorcycle and having random barbecues all over America. No show, no nothing.
DAVE CHAPPELLE

Fantasy Myself
I don’t want anything bad to happen to the United States, but if North Korea ever drops a nuclear bomb on this country, I swear to God, I hope it lands in Hartford.
DAVE CHAPPELLE

Bad Country God Hope Land Myself Swear
My wife asked me once if I weren’t a comedian, what I would do. I couldn’t answer the question. I never imagined doing anything else.
DAVE CHAPPELLE

Comedy Imagination Myself Question Wife
My father told me ‘Name your price in the beginning. If it ever gets more expensive than the price you name, get out of there.’
DAVE CHAPPELLE

Beginning Expensive Myself Name Price
They do what they do for money – that’s all. I don’t even know why you’re listening to me. I’ve done commercials for both Coke and Pepsi. Truth is, I can’t even taste the difference, but Pepsi paid me last, so there it is.
DAVE CHAPPELLE

Commercial Difference Listening Money Myself Pay Taste
I’m cool with failing so long as I know that there are people around me that love me unconditionally.
DAVE CHAPPELLE

Condition Failure Love Myself People
I always take a relationship to the next level. If that works out, I take it to the next level after that, until I finally reach that level when it becomes absolutely necessary for me to leave.
DAVE CHAPPELLE

Leaving Level Myself Necessary Relationship Work
Comedians by and large are some of the most sensitive people on earth. Even if they’re socially callous.
DAVE CHAPPELLE

Comedy Earth People Sensitive Social
You know, be able to do something great in your life, you’re gonna have to realize your failures. You’re gonna have to embrace them and figure out how to overcome it.
DAVE CHAPPELLE

Failure Greatness Life Mark Realization Yourself
The only way you can know where the line is, is if you cross it.
DAVE CHAPPELLE

Boundary Limitation Yourself
Remember what the Bible says: He who is without sin, cast the first rock. And I shall smoketh it.
DAVE CHAPPELLE

Himself Religious Scripture Sin Smoking
Listen, here it is: Technically, I never quit. I’m seven years late for work.
DAVE CHAPPELLE

Late Listening Myself Quit Work
I started when I was 14. I figured out that’s what I wanted to do when I was 14. Even when I was six, I can remember people telling me, “You’re gonna be a comedian,” and all this stuff.
DAVE CHAPPELLE

Comedy Myself People Remember Start
For one year, I want to do this thing where I guest-star on as many television shows as I possibly can. I love television. The fact that television ultimately made me famous was very gratifying for me.
DAVE CHAPPELLE

Famous Gratitude Himself Love Possible
The way the people around you position themselves around you to get in your pockets and in your mind is infuriating to me.
DAVE CHAPPELLE

Angry Himself Mindset People Position
Being famous is great, it’s not like bad or horrible or anything.
DAVE CHAPPELLE

Bad Fame Greatness Horrible

Ralph Nader has slavery reparations on his platform, which makes me think he’s not serious. If he thought he could win he wouldn’t even say that.

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Ralph Nader has slavery reparations on his platform, which makes me think he’s not serious. If he thought he could win he wouldn’t even say that.

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Popular Authors

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