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I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.

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My parents hated me. All I ever heard was, “Why can’t you be like your cousin Shelia? Why can’t you be like your cousin Shelia?” Shelia had died at birth.
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I use a smoke alarm as a timer.
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My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, “pick up, I know you’re there.”
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You have to do more than just kill time or time will quickly kill you.
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Happiness, at my age, is breathing
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On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.
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Moving on is a gift you give yourself.
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If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn’t scare the horses, do what you want. And I absolutely believe that.
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If God wanted us to bend over he’d put diamonds on the floor.
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Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it’s happening.
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The first rule of survival is: Make your own rules. The hell anyone thinks about the way you’re acting; listen only to yourself.
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?
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Florida wants to change the state’s motto to attract younger people. They’re thinking about: More than just a great place to die.
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I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
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The last time I saw a blonde with red streaks in her hair she was laying on Oscar Pistorius’ bathroom floor.
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I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
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