I would have changed my last name if being famous were my goal.
ZACH GALIFIANAKISI would have changed my last name if being famous were my goal.
ZACH GALIFIANAKISMy New Year’s resolution was to stop saying ‘You go, girl’ to myself.
ZACH GALIFIANAKISI understand Tea Partyers’ anger with the system, but they are in way over their heads and often racially motivated, and I can’t be part of that.
ZACH GALIFIANAKISI don’t know what my assistant would do besides get me pot.
ZACH GALIFIANAKISWhen you look like I do its hard to get a table for one at Chucky Cheese.
ZACH GALIFIANAKISTigers love pepper…they hate cinnamon.
ZACH GALIFIANAKISI get burned out on standup. But I like acting. I do like it. But sometimes you just feel like a monkey. You just feel like a complete tool. But I like it. I do like it. Stand-up is just more free. A lot more freedom because you just do what you want to do.
ZACH GALIFIANAKISI dream of starting a three-man country trio called the Chixie Dicks.
ZACH GALIFIANAKISI don’t want to do an edgy show, I didn’t want bad language. I think edginess is the new hackiness.
ZACH GALIFIANAKISFat jokes to me are always, always hilarious, as long as they’re done towards yourself.
ZACH GALIFIANAKISMy girlfriend and I went to a dinner party the other night and we ended up playing charades. There was another couple there that was deaf. They were so good.
ZACH GALIFIANAKISI call my balls the bush twins.
ZACH GALIFIANAKISElement of surprise is really fun for me in comedy. I have to be surprised, and everything’s been done.
ZACH GALIFIANAKISI love playing a curmudgeon. I just love playing a sour guy.
ZACH GALIFIANAKISWhether you are on the Right or the Left, everyone can agree that there are a lot of outside influences in American politics that are not good for the system. There’s just too much money.
ZACH GALIFIANAKISI do not have a helmet. But this is a wig, so it’s a little protective.
ZACH GALIFIANAKIS