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Fat jokes to me are always, always hilarious, as long as they’re done towards yourself.

Zach Galifianakis

I understand Tea Partyers’ anger with the system, but they are in way over their heads and often racially motivated, and I can’t be part of that.
ZACH GALIFIANAKIS

Motivated Tea Way
I don’t know what my assistant would do besides get me pot.
ZACH GALIFIANAKIS

Marijuana Smoking Weed
My girlfriend and I went to a dinner party the other night and we ended up playing charades. There was another couple there that was deaf. They were so good.
ZACH GALIFIANAKIS

Couple Funny Girlfriend
I call my balls the bush twins.
ZACH GALIFIANAKIS

Ball Funny Humor
I love playing a curmudgeon. I just love playing a sour guy.
ZACH GALIFIANAKIS

Curmudgeon Guy Sour
Element of surprise is really fun for me in comedy. I have to be surprised, and everything’s been done.
ZACH GALIFIANAKIS

Elements Everything Fun
When you look like I do its hard to get a table for one at Chucky Cheese.
ZACH GALIFIANAKIS

Funny Humor Look
Tigers love pepper…they hate cinnamon.
ZACH GALIFIANAKIS

Cinnamon Hangover Hate
Whether you are on the Right or the Left, everyone can agree that there are a lot of outside influences in American politics that are not good for the system. There’s just too much money.
ZACH GALIFIANAKIS

Agree Influence Much
I would have changed my last name if being famous were my goal.
ZACH GALIFIANAKIS

Goal Last Names
I don’t want to do an edgy show, I didn’t want bad language. I think edginess is the new hackiness.
ZACH GALIFIANAKIS

Edginess Hackiness Thinking
I dream of starting a three-man country trio called the Chixie Dicks.
ZACH GALIFIANAKIS

Country Dream Funny
I get burned out on standup. But I like acting. I do like it. But sometimes you just feel like a monkey. You just feel like a complete tool. But I like it. I do like it. Stand-up is just more free. A lot more freedom because you just do what you want to do.
ZACH GALIFIANAKIS

Acting Monkey Require
My New Year’s resolution was to stop saying ‘You go, girl’ to myself.
ZACH GALIFIANAKIS

Country Girl People Person Year
I do not have a helmet. But this is a wig, so it’s a little protective.
ZACH GALIFIANAKIS

Funny Humor Wig
The congressmen and senators used to go have a drink in D.C. They would disagree all day long, but they would find that time to sit down and learn about each other personally. I think that’s totally wiped out; I don’t think it really exists anymore.
ZACH GALIFIANAKIS

Down Long Senator Thinking

Fat jokes to me are always, always hilarious, as long as they’re done towards yourself.

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Fat jokes to me are always, always hilarious, as long as they’re done towards yourself.

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Popular Authors

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