The English think that incompetence is the same thing as sincerity.
QUENTIN CRISPBelieve in fate, but lean forward where fate can see you.
More Quentin Crisp Quotes
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Nothing more rapidly inclines a person to go into a monastery than reading a book on etiquette. There are so many trivial ways in which it is possible to commit some social sin.
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There is no need to do any housework at all. After the first four years the dirt doesn’t get any worse.
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Exhibitionism is like a drug. Hooked in adolescence I was now taking doses so massive they would have killed a novice.
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You can’t be a person and a lady. If you’re a person, you can open the damned door yourself.
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Vice is its own reward.
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If I were God – and I never understand why I’m not – I should say, “Shop around, I don’t think you’ll find a better bargain than here.”
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In England, nobody’s your friend.
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Neither look forward where there is doubt nor backward where there is regret.
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The search for a life-style involves a journey to the interior. This is not altogether a pleasant experience, because you not only have to take stock of what you consider your assets but you also have to take a long look at what your friends call “the trouble with you.” Nevertheless, the journey is worth making.
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When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, ‘Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don’t believe?’
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The British do not expect happiness. I had the impression, all the time that I lived there, that they do not want to be happy; they want to be right.
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People say to me, “When did you come out?” But I was never in! When I was about six, I was swanning around the house in clothes that belonged to my mother and my grandmother which I’d found in an attic, saying, “I am a beautiful princess!”
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Of course I lie to people. But I lie altruistically – for our mutual good. The lie is the basic building block of good manners. That may seem mildly shocking to a moralist – but then what isn’t?
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To live in the past is to miss today’s opportunities and tomorrow’s blessings.
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Never get involved with someone who wants to change you
QUENTIN CRISP






