Nothing shortens a journey so pleasantly as an account of misfortunes at which the hearer is permitted to laugh.
QUENTIN CRISPWhy get married? For human beings, marriage is such an unnatural state. If you want monogamy, it has been said, you should marry a swan.
More Quentin Crisp Quotes
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Though intelligence is powerless to modify character, it is a dab hand at finding euphemisms for its weaknesses.
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Nothing in our culture, not even home computers, is more overrated than the epidermal felicity of two featherless bipeds in desperate congress.
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If you truly love me, kill the bartender.
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Fashion is what you adopt when you don’t know who you are.
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As we all know from witnessing the consuming jealousy of husbands who are never faithful, people do not confine themselves to the emotions to which they are entitled.
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It’s no good running a pig farm badly for 30 years while saying, ‘Really, I was meant to be a ballet dancer.’ By then, pigs will be your style.
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Vice is its own reward.
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One should always be wary of anyone who promises that their love will last longer than a weekend.
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The poverty from which I have suffered could be diagnosed as ‘Soho’ poverty. It comes from having the airs and graces of a genius and no talent.
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The English think that incompetence is the same thing as sincerity.
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The … problem that confronts homosexuals is that they set out to win the love of a “real” man. If they succeed, they fail. A man who “goes with” other men is not what they would call a real man. The conundrum is incapable of resolution, but that does not make homosexuals give it up.
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Nothing more rapidly inclines a person to go into a monastery than reading a book on etiquette. There are so many trivial ways in which it is possible to commit some social sin.
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Believe in fate, but lean forward where fate can see you.
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What would you be like if you were the only person in the world? If you want to be truly happy you must be that person.
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When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, ‘Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don’t believe?’
QUENTIN CRISP