You can’t be a person and a lady. If you’re a person, you can open the damned door yourself.
QUENTIN CRISPLife was a funny thing that happened to me on the way to the grave.
More Quentin Crisp Quotes
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The trouble with European cities is that they are drenched in their history, almost all of which is terrible.
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When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, ‘Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don’t believe?’
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The formula for achieving a successful relationship is simple: you should treat all disasters as if they were trivialities but never treat a triviality as if it were a disaster.
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Assoon as I stepped out of my mother’s womb on to dry land, I realized that I had made a mistake?but the trouble with children is that they are not returnable.
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Why get married? For human beings, marriage is such an unnatural state. If you want monogamy, it has been said, you should marry a swan.
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Well, it has done terrifying things. Religious ideas are inflammatory in a way that I find difficult to understand. There are very few wars over the theory of relativity. Very few heated arguments, for that matter. Whereas, in Northern Ireland, they are killing one another over religion.
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The poverty from which I have suffered could be diagnosed as ‘Soho’ poverty. It comes from having the airs and graces of a genius and no talent.
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You will survive if you believe in yourself.
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It’s no good running a pig farm badly for 30 years while saying, ‘Really, I was meant to be a ballet dancer.’ By then, pigs will be your style.
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Never get involved with someone who wants to change you
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The young always have the same problem – how to rebel and conform at the same time. They have now solved this by defying their parents and copying one another.
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If you truly love me, kill the bartender.
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People are not heterosexual or homosexual, just sexual.
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I had a friend who had two degrees of being made up: when invited I would say ‘Can I make up?’ and he would say ‘Oh yes – tinted?’, or he would say, ‘Oh yes – clotted?’
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To lose is not always failure.
QUENTIN CRISP