The very purpose of existence is to reconcile the glowing opinion we hold of ourselves with the appalling things that other people think about us.
QUENTIN CRISPNothing in our culture, not even home computers, is more overrated than the epidermal felicity of two featherless bipeds in desperate congress.
More Quentin Crisp Quotes
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I went out into the world when I was about 22. I wrote books and I illustrated books and did book covers, and I taught tap-dancing, and I was a model in the art school. I had no ability for any of those things, but what else could I do?
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Nothing shortens a journey so pleasantly as an account of misfortunes at which the hearer is permitted to laugh.
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I don’t like peas, and I’m glad I don’t like them, because if I liked them I would eat them and I hate them.
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Though intelligence is powerless to modify character, it is a dab hand at finding euphemisms for its weaknesses.
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Men get laid, but women get screwed.
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Our clothes are too much a part of us for most of us ever to be entirely indifferent to their condition: it is as though the fabric were indeed a natural extension of the body, or even of the soul.
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I like living in one room and have never known what people do with the room they are not in.
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The happiest moments in any affair take place after the loved one has learned to accommodate the lover and before the maddening personality of either party has emerged like a jagged rock from the receding tides of lust and curiosity.
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If I were God – and I never understand why I’m not – I should say, “Shop around, I don’t think you’ll find a better bargain than here.”
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There is no need to do any housework at all. After the first four years the dirt doesn’t get any worse.
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Why get married? For human beings, marriage is such an unnatural state. If you want monogamy, it has been said, you should marry a swan.
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Mainstream people dislike homosexuality because they can’t help concentrating on what homosexual men do to one another. And when you contemplate what people do, you think of yourself doing it. And they don’t like that. That’s the famous joke:
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If you truly love me, kill the bartender.
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I never spend my time doing anything I’ll have to do again tomorrow.
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Never sweep. After four years the dirt gets no worse.
QUENTIN CRISP