I don’t even know which end of a computer one is supposed to gaze into. I’ve never used a computer.
P. J. O'ROURKEIf you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat – in other words, turn you into an adult.
More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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When I’m in the car, I want the only one shouting to be me.
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Bill Clinton is not a hypocrite. If a man believes that it is just and moral to redistribute wealth, there is nothing hypocritical in his attempts to redistribute some of that wealth to himself.
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If you ask the government to solve all of your problems, it’s a bit like asking your wife to cook and clean, to raise the children, to hold down a second job to help with the family finances, to keep her parents happy and well and keep your parents happy and well, and to also – to do the lawn and clean the gutters.
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I like fiction and the kind of history that gives the grace and flavor of fiction to the past. No bloviation on current events, please. I can write that junk myself.
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Globalization is simply opening the free marketplace to encompass the entire world.
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Once you’ve built the big machinery of political power, remember you won’t always be the one to run it.
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Liberals have invented whole college majors – psychology, sociology and women’s studies – to prove that nothing is anybody’s fault.
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The best and brightest don’t go into politics. The best and brightest are at Goldman Sachs.
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The world is being run by irresponsible spoiled brats.
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Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.
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Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern, like bad wallpaper.
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They are just really stupid people in Hollywood. You write them a script, and they say they love it, they absolutely love it. Then they say, ‘But doesn’t it need a small dog, and an Eskimo, and shouldn’t it be set in New Guinea?’ And you say, ‘But it is a sophisticated romantic comedy set in Paris.’
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There is no virtue in compulsory government charity, and there is no virtue in advocating it. A politician who portrays himself as ‘caring’ and ‘sensitive’ because he wants to expand the government’s charitable programs is merely saying that he’s willing to try to do good with other people’s money.
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The people who despise America are the editors of the ‘New Statesman.’ Their green-card applications must have been turned down.
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Woodstock had a tremendous impact on American artistic life.
P. J. O'ROURKE