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The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year’s Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you’re married to.

P. J. O'Rourke

I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a ‘learning experience.’ Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I’ve done as a ‘learning experience.’ It makes me feel less stupid.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Again Anything Behaviour Done Experience Learn Sixties Stupid Think
Gossip is what you say about the objects of flattery when they aren’t present.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Flatter Gossip Object Present
There is a simple rule here, a rule of legislation, a rule of business, a rule of life: beyond a certain point, complexity is fraud. You can apply that rule to left-wing social programs, but you can also apply that rule to credit derivatives, hedge funds, all the rest of it.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Beyond Business Certain Complexity Fraud Legislation Rule Simply Time
They are just really stupid people in Hollywood. You write them a script, and they say they love it, they absolutely love it. Then they say, ‘But doesn’t it need a small dog, and an Eskimo, and shouldn’t it be set in New Guinea?’ And you say, ‘But it is a sophisticated romantic comedy set in Paris.’
P. J. O'ROURKE

Absolute Love People Really Say Script Stupid Write
As a former writer for the ‘National Lampoon,’ I’ve probably contributed to the sea of sarcasm in which we live.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Former Live National Sarcasm Seam Probably Writer
We will win an election when all the seats in the House and Senate and the chair behind the desk in the Oval Office and the whole bench of the Supreme Court are filled with people who wish they weren’t there.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Behind Bench Election House Official Seat Senate Chair Whole
When elites see a homeless person in the gutter, they assume he’s saving a parking place.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Elite Gutter Homeless Park Person Place Say
Ending wars is very simple if you surrender.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Edit Simply Surrender
Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Always Die Good Look Make Middle Read Something
The real purpose of welfare is to get rid of poor people entirely. Everybody knows welfare has bad effects; that’s the point.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Know People Pont Poor Purpose Real Welfare
The best and brightest don’t go into politics. The best and brightest are at Goldman Sachs.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Best Bright Brightest Goldman Politics
The problem with public school is not overcrowding in the classroom. The problem is not teacher unions. The problem is not underfunding or lack of computer equipment. The problem is your damn kids.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Classroom Problem Public School Underfund Union
Everybody in the Middle East wants to explain why they’re right.
P. J. O'ROURKE

East Everybody Explain Middle Right
Head lice have their own animal-rights group, or may as well. The National Pediculosis Association doesn’t exactly advocate letting lice live with dignity, but it does oppose pediculicidal treatments.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Advocate Animal Association Head Lice National Own Prediculosis
Fiscal conservatism is just an easy way to express something that is a bit more difficult, which is that the size and scope of government, and really the size and scope of politics in our lives, has grown uncomfortable, unwieldy, intrusive and inefficient.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Bit Difficult Express Fiction Government More Past Size Something
The budget doesn’t have much control over the government. Then again, the government doesn’t have much control over the budget.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Again Budget Control Government Much Over

The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year’s Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you’re married to.

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The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year’s Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you’re married to.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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