A humorist doesn’t really do that much note-taking.
P. J. O'ROURKEThe proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year’s Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you’re married to.
More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern, like bad wallpaper.
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Will Generation X and the Millennials do a better job running the world than the boomers have? Let’s hope so.
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Wealth brings great benefits to the world. Rich people are heros.
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A U.S. dollar is an IOU from the Federal Reserve Bank. It’s a promissory note that doesn’t actually promise anything. It’s not backed by gold or silver.
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Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs.
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Finland is a rich country. What have they got? They got Nokia phones and plywood. How’d they get so rich? Because they’re free.
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If you think health care is expensive now, just wait ’til it’s free.
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Woodstock had a tremendous impact on American artistic life.
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The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn’t work and then they get elected and prove it.
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Government is a health hazard. Governments have killed many more people than cigarettes or unbuckled seat belts ever have.
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I like making things. I have a wood shop at home. I am a terrible carpenter but I love doing it.
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My dad died when I was young; my mom remarried with more haste than sense to a fellow… he wasn’t evil or anything, but he was worthless.
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The beauty of democracy is that an average, random, unremarkable citizen can lead it.
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Thank you, Occupy Wall Street. With your vivid example of anticapitalist squalor, I’ve been able to convince all three of my children to become investment bankers.
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Some people think that welfare reform should have hurt Bill Clinton with black voters.
P. J. O'ROURKE