Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs.
P. J. O'ROURKEGovernment proposes, bureaucracy disposes. And the bureaucracy must dispose of government proposals by dumping them on us.
More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife.
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If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat – in other words, turn you into an adult.
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When you’re a war correspondent, the reader is for you because the reader is saying, ‘Gee, I wouldn’t want to be doing that.’ They’re on your side.
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Politics is the attempt to achieve power and prestige without merit.
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I look around my house, and everything except the kids and dogs was made in China. And I’m not sure about the kids. They have brown eyes and small noses.
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The people who despise America are the editors of the ‘New Statesman.’ Their green-card applications must have been turned down.
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Russians not only vehemently despise blacks, they believe Africa begins at the Ukraine border.
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There is only one thing that gives me hope as a Republican, and that is the Democrats. It’s going to be hard to do a worse job running American than the Republicans have, but if anybody can do it, it’s the Democrats.
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America wasn’t founded so that we could all be better. America was founded so we could all be anything we damned well pleased.
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Little islands of human happiness, peace, and prosperity are so exceptional at this point in history that I’m not even sure we can draw lessons from them.
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I like making things. I have a wood shop at home. I am a terrible carpenter but I love doing it.
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The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop.
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The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn’t work and then they get elected and prove it.
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Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope.
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The C student starts a restaurant. The A student writes restaurant reviews.
P. J. O'ROURKE