All change is bad. But sometimes it has to be done.
P. J. O'ROURKEI’m too tough and sensitive to have to have some pubescent twerp with his mom’s earring in his tongue, who combs his hair with Redi-Whip and has an Ani DiFranco tattoo on his shin, come show me how a computer works.
More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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People will tell you anything but what they do is always the truth.
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The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn’t work and then they get elected and prove it.
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The beauty of democracy is that an average, random, unremarkable citizen can lead it.
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People think the free market is a philosophy, they think that it is a creed. It is none of those things. Free market is a bathroom scale, it is a measuring tape, it’s simply a measurement.
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Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern, like bad wallpaper.
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Wealth is not a pizza, where if I have too many slices you have to eat the Domino’s box.
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The world is being run by irresponsible spoiled brats.
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Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.
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The best and brightest don’t go into politics. The best and brightest are at Goldman Sachs.
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Call a man ‘ignorant,’ and you have license to show the world your vast fund of knowledge and wise him up.
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The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop.
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When you’re a war correspondent, the reader is for you because the reader is saying, ‘Gee, I wouldn’t want to be doing that.’ They’re on your side.
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Feeling good about government is like looking on the bright side of any catastrophe. When you quit looking on the bright side, the catastrophe is still there.
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The 1960s was an era of big thoughts. And yet, amazingly, each of these thoughts could fit on a T-shirt.
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Never fight an inanimate object.
P. J. O'ROURKE