If government were a product, selling it would be illegal.
P. J. O'ROURKEThe French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore.
More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
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Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
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Mikhail Gorbachev was the Jimmy Carter of the Communist bloc. The Russians hate him.
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I look around my house, and everything except the kids and dogs was made in China. And I’m not sure about the kids. They have brown eyes and small noses.
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Ending wars is very simple if you surrender.
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I read good. I was an English major.
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There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences.
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Liberals are always proposing perfectly insane ideas, laws that will make everybody happy, laws that will make everything right, make us live forever, and all be rich. Conservatives are never that stupid.
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I don’t even know which end of a computer one is supposed to gaze into. I’ve never used a computer.
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People will tell you anything but what they do is always the truth.
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Russians not only vehemently despise blacks, they believe Africa begins at the Ukraine border.
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There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.
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The budget doesn’t have much control over the government. Then again, the government doesn’t have much control over the budget.
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The Afghans themselves say that if you put two Afghans in a room, you get three factions.
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A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat.
P. J. O'ROURKE