Supposedly, summer vacation happens because that’s when the kids are home from school, although having the kids home from school is no vacation. And supposedly the kids are home from school because of some vestigial throwback to our agricultural past.
P. J. O'ROURKEIf government were a product, selling it would be illegal.
More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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Gossip is what you say about the objects of flattery when they aren’t present.
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Government proposes, bureaucracy disposes. And the bureaucracy must dispose of government proposals by dumping them on us.
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I like making things. I have a wood shop at home. I am a terrible carpenter but I love doing it.
P. J. O'ROURKE -
Never fight an inanimate object.
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If we heard that somebody starved to death in Sweden or Switzerland, we would be shocked.
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Government is a health hazard. Governments have killed many more people than cigarettes or unbuckled seat belts ever have.
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If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat – in other words, turn you into an adult.
P. J. O'ROURKE -
Never wear anything that panics the cat.
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The best and brightest don’t go into politics. The best and brightest are at Goldman Sachs.
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When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.
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There is only one thing that gives me hope as a Republican, and that is the Democrats. It’s going to be hard to do a worse job running American than the Republicans have, but if anybody can do it, it’s the Democrats.
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I like fiction and the kind of history that gives the grace and flavor of fiction to the past. No bloviation on current events, please. I can write that junk myself.
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I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a ‘learning experience.’ Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I’ve done as a ‘learning experience.’ It makes me feel less stupid.
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Don’t send funny greeting cards on birthdays or at Christmas. Save them for funerals, when their cheery effect is needed.
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The young are adept at learning, but even more adept at avoiding it.
P. J. O'ROURKE