Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
P. J. O'ROURKEIf government were a product, selling it would be illegal.
More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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Arab-led Islamic fundamentalism destabilizes nations from Algeria to the Philippines.
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Staying married may have long-term benefits. You can elicit much more sympathy from friends over a bad marriage than you ever can from a good divorce.
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The most brilliant satire of all time was ‘A Modest Proposal’ by Jonathan Swift. You’ll notice how everything got straightened out in Ireland within days of that coming out.
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The Clinton administration launched an attack on people in Texas because those people were religious nuts with guns. Hell, this country was founded by religious nuts with guns. Who does Bill Clinton think stepped ashore on Plymouth Rock?
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We will win an election when all the seats in the House and Senate and the chair behind the desk in the Oval Office and the whole bench of the Supreme Court are filled with people who wish they weren’t there.
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Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.
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Each child is biologically required to have a mother. Fatherhood is a well-regarded theory, but motherhood is a fact.
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The young are adept at learning, but even more adept at avoiding it.
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Globalization is simply opening the free marketplace to encompass the entire world.
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There is no horizon in Toledo. There are too many trees.
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Southern California is a nice place, if you could cut out the show-business cancer. It just keeps spreading.
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Rich people don’t like to be in the military. The shoes are ugly and the uniforms itch. Rich people don’t go in much for revolution or terrorism, either.
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The 20th century was a test bed for big ideas – fascism, communism, the atomic bomb.
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Mikhail Gorbachev was the Jimmy Carter of the Communist bloc. The Russians hate him.
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Never wear anything that panics the cat.
P. J. O'ROURKE